


A Thing For Me

by KingPreussen



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 30 Days of Character Building, Alternate Universe - Dom/Sub, Alternate Universe - Human, Developing Relationship, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2018-04-08 02:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 34,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4287303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingPreussen/pseuds/KingPreussen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lovino's a bit of a traditionalist. No matter how much he wants to go back to Italy, he's a Dom through and through. He's not going home without making sure this sub is safe and at least marginally happy. There's no non-platonic reasons for his interest at all, he doesn't even <i>want</i> a sub.</p><p>Gilbert makes him think differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nonno

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I'm starting a summer class and working and my writing has really fallen to the wayside, so I figured doing a daily challenge would make me write more. Expect daily updates or at least a notice when I have to postpone.
> 
> Warnings for domestic violence (non-explicit and non-sexual) and dishonoring safewords, but none of this between Romano and Prussia. All human names used.
> 
> Day 1: Describe your character's relationship with their mother or their father, or both. Was it good? Bad? Were they spoiled rotten, ignored? Do they still get along now, or no?
> 
>  _I told you how long we've got_  
>  _All the time in the world_  
>  _I've got a thing for you_  
>  _You've got a thing for me_  
>  Metronomy - _A Thing For Me_

Lovino had _opinions_ about New York City. Not all of them were bad--in fact, a great many were complementary, or at least not outright insulting. In the three months that he and Feliciano had found the best fake-Italian-claiming-to-be-real-Italian pizza place in the Lower East Side and a vibrant nightlife just a subway ride away. They were both rather small and scrawny to be walking around in Armani suits and Prada shoes but they both exuded such an aura of _Dom_ that no one really tried to mess with them.

Some of Lovino's opinions were on just that. He had seen subs of all genders get harassed on the streets of Italy, and New York, housed in the Land of the Free, was no different. He generally disliked talking to other Doms but he had to step in and defend a sub a few times since their temporary relocation. Feliciano was endlessly annoying every time, praising his bravery and other dumb shit that had Lovino glowing on the inside and furious on the outside.

Said brother was staring out the window of their favorite pizza place, his chin in one hand and a slice of greasy pizza in the other. They hadn't talked much at all since Feliciano invited him out for lunch, each caught in their own thoughts. Feliciano's were probably something stupid like what little trinket he was going to buy his brother while he searched for painting inspiration. Lovino's weren't much better; he found a set of oil paints in a market in Little Italy that he was sure Feli hadn't tried yet and would probably like.

Lovino's cell phone rang, breaking the comfortable silence at their table. He reached into his pocket to pull it out, glanced at the caller ID, and rolled his eyes. "What, _Nonno_?" he said, not unkindly.

Feliciano glanced over at him disinterestedly. " _I know you boys are itching to go home_ ," he began in his 'I'm going to tell you bad news' voice and Lovino sighed. " _But I need you to spend a little more time in America with me--_ "

"It's bad enough you're neglecting the vineyard, but now you're having _fun_ with it?" Lovino hissed, curling his free hand into a fist at his side under the table. "What happened to making the deal and flying our shit back to Italy?"

Roma, that old bastard, just chuckled at his eldest grandson. " _You'll make do. Have you seen the pretty subs in America?_ "

"Call Feliciano next time you want to spout bullshit," Lovino said before abruptly hanging up. He looked over at his brother and pursed his lips. " _Nonno_ wants us in America longer."

Feliciano's blank expression brightened. "Oh, really? I love New York!" Lovino resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. "The subs are _so_ pretty!"

Lovino pulled out his wallet and slapped a $20 bill on the table, standing up. "Let's get out of here before that idiot calls me again." He loved his grandfather dearly, but sometimes the man aggravated him to no end. How was he supposed to inherit the family empire if his free-spirited _nonno_ pissed it away?

"Can we stop for pastries? _Merenda_ without pastries is--"

"Yes, yes, Feli," Lovino grumbled without any real heat. In the middle of spring, the city wasn't cold enough to make him angry and also wasn't hot enough to make him angry, so most of his interactions with Feliciano were favorable. The younger man didn't push his luck, though, just grinning quietly to himself and skipping ahead to the patisserie down the block from the pizza place.


	2. Maroon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2: Describe your character's most prominent physical feature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for aftermath of domestic violence, unhealthy self-esteem, dishonoring safewords.
> 
> I'm not really editing these very closely before I put them out so please tell me if you see any glaring defects.

The patisserie was owned by a Frenchman--Francis made the best pastries this side of the Atlantic but even his stupid fucking accent grated on Lovino's nerves.

"Ah, little Lovino and his adorable brother!" Francis came out from behind the dark wood counter where he was tending to the cappuccino machine, his shoes clacking on the tastefully grey stone flooring. He did a little mocking bow to Lovino, smiling widely, and then pinched Feliciano's cheeks. He giggled and swatted at Francis' hands good naturedly while Lovino glared. 

After a polite kiss on the cheek from Feliciano, when he stopped laughing, Francis asked, "What can I get you this afternoon, hm?" He didn't usually serve customers himself but he was familiar with the Vargas family--his own family owned vineyards just north of theirs and while they were never the best of friends, he used to joke about being their "big brother" when they were younger. Apparently he had never grown out of that phase. 

Feliciano asked for suggestions instead of rattling off his favorites, engaging Francis enough that Lovino could let his attention wander over to the counter where Gilbert was standing. If Lovino were looking for a sub at all, he would be avoiding the ones who acted like the German. He was loud and obnoxious and frankly not submissive at all. Every time Lovino saw him he was laughing in that raspy way of his or goofing off with Antonio, the Spanish waiter from across the street.

The only part of his tall, pale body that Lovino liked was his eyes. They were striking, even from a distance, maroon in dim light and almost pale violet when the sun was shining at the right angle. The dark decoration of Francis' shop always brought them out even more, drawing in every Dom in sight. That was probably why the authentic patisserie was doing so well in the middle of Lower Manhattan.

Right now Gilbert's gaze was directed elsewhere, handing a customer their order and receiving an, "excellent work," and a smile in response. The most subby thing about him was how he responded to even that small praise, a blush rising easily over his white cheeks and his eyes lowering to the floor.

When the customer walked out, the bell over the glass door tinkling lightly as it closed, Gilbert seemed to sigh. He leaned on the stone cashier's counter, peered outside, and then turned slightly to watch what Francis was doing. Lovino felt his heart skip a beat at the sight that greeted him.

One of Gilbert's beautiful eyes was ringed with blue and yellow, a fresh bruise spreading from his right eyebrow to his cheekbone. His lower lip was split and bright red, and two butterfly bandages held together a gash at his temple. Even Gilbert's normal smirk was dimmed because of the damage done to his mouth.

"Oh no, what happened?" Feliciano cried, drawing the attention of several customers seated by the windows. He was at Gilbert's side in an instant, ignoring Francis bemoaning the presence of his street clothes behind the counter. "Are you alright?"

Gilbert didn't pull away, letting Feliciano gently touch his cheek and around his eye. Lovino figured the presence of a familiar Dom was probably soothing him rather than putting him on his guard. "You run your mouth too long and have someone shut you up?" Lovino found his mouth snarking without his brain's permission. He really didn't want to insult Gilbert without provocation but… well, Lovino didn't really have a reason.

Normal Gilbert would have sneered right back and shot something off about Lovino's height or thrown a piece of dough at him. That would have negated the guilty feeling churning in Lovino's stomach. "I-I didn't," this new, hurt Gilbert stammered. "I mean, I did, but--"

"Lovino, I won't have you harassing my employees," Francis said more seriously than Lovino had ever heard him speak. It made him want to apologize to Gilbert but his huge fucking ego made him huff and turn away, tapping his foot impatiently and staring out into the busy street.

"It's not his fault, Francis, I got punished--!"

"And you know exactly what I think of that ' _punishment_ '--"

Feliciano, ever the dramatic, actually gasped aloud. It was almost enough to make Lovino turn around again, but not quite. "This was a punishment, Gilbert?" he said in a soft voice, falling into his orientation's imperative to protect. At least all the customers in the shop had turned back to their own business and weren't preventing Lovino from listening in. 

Silence and shuffling from Gilbert, and then only Lovino's proximity to them allowed him to hear his whispered answer. "It was my fault, Feli." He seemed more pained to admit that than from his actual injuries. But then he continued, "I used my safeword too many times and I know I'm not allowed to," and guilt and anger rose sickeningly in Lovino's throat.

Francis honest-to-God _growled_ at his answer, covering whatever noise Lovino may have accidentally made. "I'm getting Antonio to take you to his house tonight," he muttered with no room to negotiate.

Gilbert's disgusting laugh was back, but it was weak and without humor. "I can't imagine the punishment for that," he said, and Lovino could hear the smile in his voice. When he looked over his shoulder to see if it was as fake as it sounded, he caught Feliciano's pleading look. 

"Sorry," Lovino forced out, crossing his arms over his chest and shifting back a little on one foot. Gilbert watched him in confusion. "It's not my place to comment on… on marks on subs that I don't ow-- _care for_."

"That was so fucking fake!" Gilbert grinned but his face was paper white, throwing his bruise in sharp relief. "Don't say sorry when you know you've wanted to punch me since you got here!"

Lovino's heart skipped another beat. "I would never hit a sub in anger, you fucking _idiot_ ," he spat.

"Lovi doesn't want to hurt you," Feliciano insisted at the same time in a much gentler tone. He threw an annoyed look at his brother but Lovino wasn't paying attention to him, still glaring at Gilbert.

"Yeah, whatever," Gilbert said dismissively. Another customer walked in and he shifted attention from them, his bright eyes lingering momentarily on Lovino, almost appraising. "Good afternoon," he said lightly. Lovino felt all the more sick to see the customer, presumably a Dom from their body language, visibly fight the urge to ask Gilbert who hurt him and instead order some stupid frilly drink.

Feliciano moved from behind the counter and stood beside his brother, seeming close to tears. Lovino gently took Feliciano's sleeve and tugged it. "Get your snacks and let's go." Honey eyes, so different from Gilbert's, held his. "Feli," Lovino insisted, and Feliciano turned away.


	3. Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: Name one scar your character has, and tell us where it came from. If they don’t have any, is there a reason?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same warnings as before.
> 
> Also, while my characterization may seem OOC, in canon Prussia is really emotional when he's not putting up the "I'm awesome" front for the masses. I figure the BFT is close enough that he doesn't feel like he has to pretend with them as well.

"Shit," Gilbert said under his breath, examining the still stinging cut high on his forehead. Antonio just watched him with a sympathetic expression from the other side of the couch while Gilbert turned the hand mirror this way and that.

Antonio's little apartment was a reflection of the man himself. Warm and cheerful, for the most part, but with a subtle "grown-up"-ness about it. Gilbert felt more comfortable here than he did in his childhood home in Berlin--he certainly felt more comfortable than he did at his Dom's place.

"I think it's gonna scar, _amigo_ ," Antonio said lightly. His lips quirked up in a faint smile when Gilbert aimed a glare at him from just over the mirror, but feelings like anger and hatred never seemed to phase Antonio much. "They have creams for that sort of thing. I think I still have some if you want it?"

Gilbert sighed and leaned his head back against Antonio's sinfully comfortable couch. The Spaniard was his best friend in the whole world but he was too damn selfless sometimes. "What if you need it?" he asked. Even in non-sexual Dom/sub relationships, a lot of subs liked a little pain and needed to have all injuries taken care of. Antonio took the hand mirror from his loose grip and set it on the coffee table, then scooted closer to Gilbert. He picked up his hand and rubbed comforting circles into Gilbert's wrist with his thumb.

"I won't," Antonio eventually replied. "I haven't taken a sub, or subbed myself, in months." Sometimes Gilbert wished he was a Switch like his friend. They were less respected than subs in most circles but could hold their own against Doms, unlike Gilbert. He wasn't sure what the expression on his face was, but Antonio shifted even closer and said, almost conspiratorially, "Do you need to be taken down?"

Instead of refusing to spare his pride--he didn’t need a Dom, especially someone who wasn't _his_ Dom, to put him down like he was a danger to himself--Gilbert allowed himself to think about the offer. His Dom had beat the shit out of him last night, and then he worked all day and got verbally assaulted by that fucking Italian prick. He didn't feel like he deserved to relax, exactly, but he would love to.

He slid off the couch and onto the floor, resting his head against Antonio's knee. "I should be getting back. I was told not to stay out too late," he said, even while adjusting himself into a more comfortable kneeling position. Antonio's hand slid into his hair and rubbed gently at the nape of his neck.

"You know I don't want you to go back. Neither does Francis." Gilbert hissed and flinched slightly away when Antonio touched his face just under the bruise around his eye. Right when he was feeling himself start to sink, too. Maybe Antonio had done it on purpose to get him to listen. "I have some of your clothes here, and you have your phone and your wallet. We can deal with _him_ ," he spat, "In the morning."

The thought of disobeying again made Gilbert feel sick to his stomach. "He'll be so mad," he said, pressing the uninjured side of his face more firmly against Antonio's leg. "I really have to go."

And Christ, now he was crying, because he not only got punished but was made to sleep on the floor in the bathroom like a dog who pissed on the carpet and didn't get any aftercare because he broke too many rules, always, he was never good enough, and his emotions were all over the place. He knew he couldn't hide a physical reactioln from Antonio, especially when his friend was feeling Dominant, so he let his tears soak into his friend's jeans.

"Shh, Gil, it's alright." Antonio leaned forward, brushed Gilbert's hair away from his face, and kissed his hairline. "I'll put you under for a little while and then we can go to bed. Want me to call Ludwig?"

Gilbert shuddered and shook his head. "I can live without the 'I told you so' for another night," he muttered. Maybe his younger brother was just trying to look out for him but, as the eldest, Gilbert wanted to be the protector. "Can you help me get the rest of my clothes from my Dom tomorrow, please?" he asked in an even softer voice.

Antonio smoothed out the bandages on his forehead. "Of course. Francis will come too, I'm sure. We'll get your stuff and set you up with me."

He couldn't even refuse. His inability to follow simple rules always made his Doms angry with him eventually. Maybe he just wasn’t made out for submission. Antonio continued to stroke his hair in silence until his tears stopped, and then he talked Gilbert down.


	4. Pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4: How vain is your character? Do they find themselves attractive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really taking a creative license with these prompts....

Subs liked to look pretty. Not in a feminine way--usually only subs that identified as women or femme wore makeup and jewelry and traditional thin leather cuffs around their wrists. Even the most masculine sub would still preen and present themselves in front of a Dom they found attractive, or the Dom that owned them.

Gilbert didn't really want to do the "pretty" thing anymore.

He adjusted his grip on his backpack as he leaned against the wall of the train, staring out at the dark tunnel and occasional flashes of fluorescent light. Some Domme had given up her seat for him and he was just exhausted enough to smile at her, nod his thanks, and take the seat. She didn't bother him again because of his still-purple bruise, but normally he would have gotten at least a number slipped into his hand. Gilbert didn't want to gain anymore scars on his face but he could get used to being left alone by strange Dominants. 

The subway recording pinged his stop and he stood up, smiling again at the kind Domme and stepping out of the train. As soon as he left the tunnels and started walking toward Francis' pastry shop his phone began to ring and he sighed, stopping to fish it out of his bag. It was probably Antonio making sure he didn't trip and die on his way to work. 

After mistakenly lifting the phone to the injured side of his face and almost dropping it, he managed a weak "Hello?"

" _Gilbert? Hi, how are you?_ "

"Elizabeta," he said with a grin. "You haven't called me in a while. Is Specs giving you a hard time?"

Gilbert could almost feel his oldest friend rolling her eyes. Living so far away from her had really put a strain on his heart and he loved hearing her voice, even tinny from his cell phone. " _You know he tries to baby me_ ," she laughed lightly. " _He's the least dominant Dom I've ever met._ " Adoration was clear in her voice, though--Gilbert mostly teased Roderich because he was a real softy of a Dom, complete with non-physical punishments and new-age ideas about a sub's place in the world.

"I know. You still running the house while he pretends to know what he's doing?"

They talked about inconsequential things until Gilbert was within a block of his job, and then he realized he hadn't mentioned anything about his split with his Dom. He wasn't even sure she knew he _had_ a new Dom. "Listen, Eliza, I have work now but I can call you back around six your time?"

Elizabeta didn't answer for a moment. " _Gil, you sound upset_ ," she began.

"I'll tell you all about it later." Gilbert stood just outside the shop's door, holding the keys tightly. Work would be hard enough without getting all emotional about his personal problems. "It's nothing big, I promise."

Elizabeta hummed noncommittally, and then said, " _Sure thing, Gilbert. Call me_."

Gilbert tried to unlock the door and was a little startled to find it already open. "I will," he replied, hanging up and calling "Francis?" into the shop.

"Here, _mon ami_!" Gilbert followed his friend's voice to the back of the shop where the stores of coffee beans were, finding him digging through boxes and rearranging different brands. He was wearing his normal trousers and button down shirt, but his hair wasn't tied back in its customary ribbon. He looked much more harried with his hair loose around his face. "I thought I told you to take the day off?" he said without glancing up.

Gilbert shrugged, scratching the back of his head. "Nothing to do at Antonio's place except cry. I mostly want to crawl back to my Dom and beg forgiveness." They hadn't gotten the rest of his clothes yet, and his Dom hadn't called or texted him which was a bad warning sign. Disobeying was making his skin crawl.

"At least you understand we won't let you, if you don't understand you didn't do anything wrong." With that, Francis looked up at him and shook his long hair out of his eyes. "Come here, let me see."

For the third time that day Gilbert tipped his head back to be examined. Francis made a displeased sound, turning to the icebox and shoveling a bunch of chips into an empty plastic bag. "On your eye, now," he ordered, and Gilbert obeyed. "You can start work in a half hour but I want you sitting down and resting right now."

The submissive in Gilbert was begging him to go sit down but he smirked through it. "You wanna get me a coffee or do I have to sit all by my lonesome?" He wasn't kidding about the urge to kneel at his Dom's feet; he felt shaky and exhausted and caffeine would probably only work against him.

"Sit." Francis ruffled his hair, guided him gently to a seat by the window, and pressed the ice to his cheekbone. Hopefully the bruise would fade soon. Gilbert always welcomed Antonio and Francis treating him like a king but not because he was weaker than them, just because he was more awesome.


	5. Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5: What’s your character’s ranking on the Kinsey Scale?

The bell at the front door broke Gilbert's almost-doze and he shifted in the surprisingly comfortable seat. That fucking rude ass Italian Lovino walked in, along with his adorable little brother and a young woman. She was wearing thin, light leather cuffs around her wrists, marking her as an available sub, and Gilbert couldn't help but be interested in an absent type of way.

He sometimes felt weird about being attracted to other subs, in a different way to being attracted to non-women. His brother was always accepting of it, if a little confused, but Gilbert supposed Doms were less likely to want to be with other Doms. 

"Lazing around as usual," Lovino said, walking across the shop and sitting across from him. Francis, always enchanted by a pretty face, was chatting with Feliciano and the woman instantly.

"I'm not in the mood," Gilbert replied shortly. Lovino blinked at him, and for a horrible second Gilbert thought he was going to get smacked, but Lovino hadn't even moved his hand. "Sorry."

Lovino waved his hand dismissively. "No, don't be. I'm sorry." Gilbert wanted to enjoy how uncomfortable he looked, even in his very well fitting suit, but Lovino was turning a very fetching shade of red. "I didn't mean to talk about your… your Dom abusing you so lightly. It wasn't my place."

Gilbert opened his mouth to reply, found he didn't have anything to say, and closed it again.

"You're alright now?" Lovino continued worriedly, reaching across the table and leaving his hand open, palm up. Gilbert made no move to touch him but he didn't seem to mind. "Francis and Antonio are taking care of you."

"I wasn't being abused, I was being disobedient. I still am." Gilbert stood on shaky legs, leaving Lovino sitting alone. He didn't like how being around an attractive, known Dom was making him feel when he was already involved with someone… even if his friends were actively trying to end that relationship. Gilbert reached behind the counter and grabbed his apron.

Feliciano smiled at him, but it didn’t trigger the same feelings Lovino's concern did. "Is your eye feeling any better? It looks better!" he babbled. "Oh, this is Emma! She's an exchange student from Belgium, we met her outside!"

She reached out her hand to shake his and he took it, grinning. "Are all women this beautiful in Belgium?" he asked, stepping closer to her.

Emma giggled and shrugged. " _I_ think so. The subs in New York aren't half bad, though." She winked at him and he couldn't help but laugh, a little shocked by how forward she was. In a good way, though. "I just came in for an espresso…?"

"Oh, sure." Gilbert put down the now melted ice he was holding against his face, pulling the apron over his head and going to the back to wash his hands. When he came back out, ready to make her coffee, Lovino was standing at the counter with his normal frown on his face. Gilbert ignored him, made Emma a coffee, and handed it to her with a grin.

"Thank you," she said, smiling right back. "Very quick service!"

Sometimes, Gilbert wished he didn't turn so brightly red when he was complimented. "Have a nice day," he mumbled, messing with the cash register so he didn't have to look at her anymore. Hopefully she would come back and he wouldn't make a fool of himself… he didn't have many sub friends.

When she left, Feliciano chatting her ear off without having gotten anything for himself, Gilbert chanced looking up again. Lovino and his frown were still there.

After a few seconds of silence, Gilbert asked, "Can I get you anything?"

Lovino cocked his hip and stuck a hand in his trouser pocket. "You like subs? You a Switch?" he asked.

"Not a Switch, not that that's any of your business…." Gilbert touched the healing split on his lip and frowned. All that smiling and laughing had almost split it again. "A man can't like subs and Doms in twenty-fifteen?"

The Italian's frown smoothed a little, and his mouth lost its downturn. "I didn't say that." He dithered, and Gilbert watched him dither, until he stopped staring at the floor and looked back into Gilbert's eyes. "I wanted to make sure you were safe. And if I can help, with anything?"

Gilbert cleared his throat nervously. "I'm not looking for a Dom, Lovino--"

"I'm not offering," Lovino was quick to say, a smirk spreading across his face. "I was looking for a drink, and what was it about Germans and beer?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A made up scale rating attraction to no one, to same orientation (D/s) and to opposite orientation (D/s). Prussia is p much the equivalent of pansexual both in gender and orientation.
> 
> Unedited, as always...


	6. Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 6: Describe your character’s happiest memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know, but Veneziano is one of my favorite characters as well but I haven't had any experience writing him. Another one of these will be from his POV despite it being a PruMano story... look forward to it!

Feliciano spread a handful of flour on the kitchen counter, also powdering down his rolling pin. Lovino would be home soon and he hadn't even thought to start their pasta for the night. It didn't take him long to roll out the dough and start to split it evenly; the actions were basically in his blood.

Lovino was the one who taught him to cook. Their grandfather always joked that they were two halves of Italy, Feliciano excelling at painting and architecture, Lovino at cooking and gardening. They never quite got the hang of each other's talents but continued to try to teach the other.

While his elder brother was often caustic and acted as if he didn't care about Feliciano, the younger knew they wouldn’t be anywhere without each other. They even slept in the same bed when there was a thunderstorm, like when they were young children.

Before they came to New York, Feliciano had crawled into his brother's bed late at night and confessed he was sometimes attracted to other Doms. Lovino let him cry out his fear and confusion, told him it was normal to start to find yourself at 21, and softly explained for hours that nothing Feliciano ever did would make Lovino love him any less. They both cried themselves to sleep that night and, unlike after thunderstorms, Lovino made no attempt to pretend it never happened.

Feliciano got a pot of water to boiling and smiled at the memory. Most of his memories involving his brother were happy, but that one took the cake.


	7. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7: Is there one event or happening your character would like to erase from their past? Why?

Lovino unlocked his front door slower than normal, opening and closing it with barely a creak. The smell of pesto permeated the house, which meant Feliciano was already home and cooking rather than working on his art. Good for Lovino in terms of comfort food, bad for him in terms of not having to explain himself to his worried brother.

"Lovi!" Feliciano peeked out of the kitchen to the foyer, smiling wide. "You were out for a long time! _Nonno_ called me to ask if we needed any more money and I said no, is that okay?" Lovino wished he was better at hiding his emotions if only for Feliciano's sake; his brother's face fell a little at Lovino's thoughtful expression. "Lovi?"

"Hey, Feli. It's fine, we don't need any more. You already pick the wine for that?" Lovino tried to walk past his brother into the kitchen so he could look through their partial wine collection but he was caught by the shoulders and forced to look into Feliciano's face (they were only the same height because Lovino was wearing shoes and Feliciano was not, a fact he didn't want to think about right now).

Feliciano pulled him gently into a hug, wrapping his arms around his brother's waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. "What's wrong, _fratellone_?"

Lovino sighed, brushed his hair away from his face, and then grasped Feliciano by the upper arms. "It's nothing, _capretto_." He thought of a way to redirect, and maybe get his brother thinking of the other sub they met or something, but he sighed instead. "I… remember you told me to apologize to Gilbert?"

Feliciano leaned back slightly, his hands at Lovino's hips. "I remember. Did you say something you didn't mean?"

"Kind of." Lovino itched at his nose, then rubbed his eye. "I, uh… I asked him out. Just for drinks."

Even happy-go-lucky Feliciano stopped smiling at the admission. "An abused sub?"

"He doesn't think he was abused," Lovino interjected, and then said, "I don't know what I was thinking. He just closed off and I left and wandered around a little and came home." Apparently his wandering had lasted hours instead of minutes, but the walking did clear some of the nauseous feeling from his stomach. "I know he's not in a good place, Feli, trust me. I wasn't trying to get into his pants, I just want to talk to him."

Feliciano huffed, then tilted his head and hummed in an exaggeration of deep thought. Lovino didn't tease him for it because he genuinely wanted to hear Feliciano's advice. Of the two of them, Feliciano had the most relationships lasting longer than a one night stand, and Lovino wasn't so prideful he didn't want to listen to his younger brother.

Lovino wasn't romantically interested in Gilbert that morning. He actually wasn't sure if he wanted to _be_ with him or if he just wanted to see all that snark kneel at his feet, but he genuinely felt bad for making Gilbert uncomfortable. If he could just talk to him without it dissolving into insults everything else would fall into place.

"Let him have some time, don't contact him that way again. Go back to the patisserie and order things, treat him like any other sub, but don't bring up drinks or dinner." Lovino nodded seriously. "In about a week, tell him what you told me. That you're not trying to date him, you understand he needs space, you just want to be his friend."

"Not in those words," Lovino muttered, making a face. Feliciano laughed at him and squeezed his hips gently, then pulled away to go back to the pasta in the kitchen. "I wish I hadn't said anything."

His younger brother hummed to show he heard. "I know," he called back. "Its alright, Lovi, it'll work out."

Lovino sighed and passed the entrance to the kitchen, pulling off his suit jacket on the way to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, btw


	8. Interlude I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lovino begins to right his wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 8 will come out tomorrow; I started to write and by the time I was done, what I had written no longer resembled the prompt in the slightest. Please accept this little piece until I properly finish Day 8.

Following Feliciano's advice was difficult. Lovino waited the requisite week and a little extra, splitting up his days of studying accounting with trips to the patisserie for coffee.

The first day he walked in after Gilbert's frightened rejection, said sub didn't even speak to him. Francis wasn't flirting with every sub in the vicinity, instead leaning against the back wall and watching Lovino coolly. Frankly, Lovino was surprised Antonio wasn't there guarding Gilbert as well, no matter the soft spot the Spaniard seemed to have for him.

True to his word, Lovino ordered his drink, said thank you and complimented the service, and then turned on his heel and walked out again. The next day and the next he did the same, until ten days had passed without him saying anything untoward to Gilbert. On the eleventh day, Lovino was so wrapped up in his work (and Feliciano in his painting) that neither of them noticed he hadn't gone out at his normal time.

The twelfth day, Lovino awoke at eleven o'clock almost in a panic, pulling on jeans and a tee-shirt instead of his normal thought out outfit as he brushed his teeth. His hair was sticking up in the back, the one curl that refused to lay flat sticking out at a jagged angle, but he couldn’t see himself waiting to fix it. He took a taxi instead of the subway to the patisserie, tipping the driver an extra hundred bucks to break every speed law he could.

Not only was he a day late, he was also almost three hours behind his normal time. Lovino could admit to himself now that his interest in Gilbert was more than platonic. The eyes that had captured him so early in their relationship seemed brighter, his grins at Francis wider and more playful, his harsh angles more handsome. The bruise around his eye had faded to an almost non-existent yellow and his lip was healed, leaving his pale face almost perfect except for the scar on his temple cutting into his hairline.

That little flaw didn't bother Lovino aesthetically. It reminded him of Gilbert's awful abuser which really made him furious, sure, but that wasn't a fault of Gilbert's at all. This, now, breaking the habit he had been setting to show Gilbert he was trustworthy (an evolutionary imperative, Lovino's _Nonno_ swore) was _Lovino's_ fault and had probably ruined his only chance of getting closer to the willowy sub.

Lovino ran a shaky hand through his hair as he walked up to the shop, probably only mussing it worse. If Gilbert didn't accept his offer of dinner today then he was stuck and would have to give up. Good thing he was moving away and wouldn't have to live with seeing his-- _the_ sub with another Dom for the rest of his life.

The bell jingled, announcing his entrance. He dithered for a second, and then walked up to the counter where Gilbert was standing. The sub had an expression like he was smiling just a moment ago, but something had wiped it from his face, and Lovino felt his heart constrict. He was causing this, he was already making Gilbert uncomfortable again and he hadn't even said anything.

"Morning," he said. He ran a hand through his hair again. "Um, can I get--"

"Why weren't you here yesterday?" Gilbert interrupted, his eyebrows pulling together in a faint, almost worried, frown. "Did something happen?"

Lovino couldn't find an answer for a few moments. "I, I had a lot of work and I lost track of time. I'm sorry--"

"I had your drink made and I had to throw it away," Gilbert said, biting his lower lip. He had crossed his arms over his chest but Lovino could tell that his hands were shaking.

"I can pay for that one too, Gilbert, it's no trouble. You didn't have to--"

"I was expecting you to show up because you always show up, and then you weren't here." Those beautiful red-violet eyes were rapidly welling up with tears and Lovino's protective instincts kicked into high gear. Almost without his permission his body was crossing around to the other side of the counter, taking Gilbert's wrist gently in his hand, and pulling him toward the staircase that led to the unused second floor.

Gilbert resisted at first, understandably, but Lovino let him go at the base of the stairs still in view of anyone who passed by instead of trying to get him secluded. "I'm sorry I wasn't here," he said slowly, holding Gilbert's eyes. "It was a mistake. I didn't mean to make you upset."

The fake smirk Gilbert wore when he was trying to redirect other people's attention tipped one corner of his mouth. "I wasn't worried about _you_ , I was worried about the wasted coffee." Lovino didn't rise to the bait, just watched Gilbert snicker and pause. "Um," he said.

"Yesterday, I was going to ask you to dinner again." Lovino didn't look down or break eye contact despite his embarrassment and nervousness. "I'm very sorry I lost track of time. I'd like to ask you today if you'd go to dinner with me?"

Lovino had his Italian genes to thank for the way his words just slotted into place. He knew he would have overthought everything and been entirely red-faced if he let himself think about what he was doing, but being lightly Dominant with a sub was second nature to him. Gilbert, however, did turn a very nice shade of red that spread from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

"Dinner as in a date?"

Here came the tricky part. Gilbert was an entirely independent sub and probably wouldn't appreciate someone who wasn't even his Dom being overbearing, but Lovino had to make sure that he was comfortable in every way. "If you think that you're ready for a date, then yes, dinner as in a date, but with no expectations for activities after dinner. If you're not, we can go as friends."

Gilbert brought a hand up to his scar, something that had become almost a nervous tic of his. Lovino clenched his fists in response. When it mattered, he could beat the shit out of any other Dom instead of run away, and teaching Gilbert's ex-Dom a lesson definitely mattered. "Friends, then," Gilbert said, and Lovino was careful not to let any disappointment show. "If I'll still have the option of a date later?" the sub continued shyly.

"Absolutely," Lovino replied immediately. "Whatever you feel you want, Gilbert."

"Thank you, Lovino." The fluttering in his chest caused just by Gilbert saying his name made Lovino feel almost ecstatic but the one thing he was better at hiding than disappointment was happiness.

Francis took that opportunity to walk over and plant himself in the five feet between them. "Lovino, how are you?" he asked with a smile. His sky blue eyes were chilly, a sharp contrast to Lovino's rapidly heating temper.

"Fine, thanks. Made some dinner plans with a friend, actually, so I'm looking forward to it." He didn't want to blow up in front of Gilbert so soon after earning his trust, even if Francis was truly pissing him off. "Can I pick you up here at eight?" he asked Gilbert, pointedly leaning around Francis and addressing the sub behind him. "We can go to Lan Zhou, if you're in the mood for Chinese."

Gilbert stared resolutely at the floor, his hands still shaking nervously in fists at his sides. "I would rather meet you there, if that's okay?" and Lovino felt his heart, instead of clench, split absolutely in half at the hesitancy in Gilbert's voice. They were supposed to be friends now and Gilbert still expected him to want to take command.

"Of course it's okay," Lovino reassured. "I'll see you tonight." He glanced at the blond in front of him, murmured, "Francis," in farewell, and turned away, walking out of the shop and a full block down the road before started grinning uncontrollably. His apology was, if not accepted, acknowledged, and he would get to see Gilbert in a more intimate setting without his blond and brunette shadows. For such a shitty start his day was going incredibly well.


	9. Non-Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 8: Day of Favorites! What’s your character’s favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, as always, twisted the prompt to suit my needs.

Lan Zhou, despite (or perhaps because of) it's absolutely delicious food, looked pretty gross. Gilbert was used to coming here with Antonio, who loved everything on the menu, and Francis, who was willing to try some things provided he had enough alcohol. They were his best friends and wanted to make him happy by going to places they wouldn’t have gone on their own.

Lovino in this place was analogous to the Queen of England in a sewer. The Dom hadn't worn one of his suits, thank God, but he was wearing sinfully tight black jeans and an olive button down that brought out his eyes. He made Gilbert feel distinctly underdressed in only jeans and a tee-shirt with his favorite band's logo on it.

"Gilbert," Lovino said with a small smile as he sat down across from him, pulling a paper menu out of its metal holder and opening it without looking at it. "Thanks for meeting me."

"What kind of friend stands up his buddy?" Gilbert murmured in reply, not quite able to meet Lovino's eyes. "Don't need one," he said slightly louder when Lovino attempted to pass him a menu.

Lovino paused with his hand on the table between them before slowly pulling it back and resting it in his lap. "So, how was the rest of work?"

Gilbert shrugged. "Alright." He saw Lovino's face fall at his stilted answer so he continued, "Emma stopped by, actually. Got one of her gross drinks."

"Ugh, yeah, with all the syrup in it?"

"Totally unawesome. I always get my hands sticky." A waitress came and interrupted their conversation to take their orders, but as soon as she left he was back to talking. Apparently he either couldn't speak or couldn't shut his mouth when he was nervous. "Francis told me how he knows you, by the way. He said something about you being really rich and mean."

Lovino rolled his eyes and sighed but Gilbert could tell he wasn't actually annoyed. "He didn't have to describe it like that. I'm only 'mean'," and here, he did air quotes that made Gilbert laugh aloud, "To him because he's French."

"A good reason." Gilbert finally relaxed a little, leaning back from his ramrod straight posture and studying Lovino. When he wasn't spewing insults, the other man was kind of cute, in an understated way. Mostly he looked like he could order Gilbert to do anything and he would obey--one of the top problems with accepting the offer of a date. Gilbert knew himself, and knew that he would do almost anything for the people he liked to accept him. If he fell into this… whatever it was with Lovino, it could end very badly for him.

Lovino seemed to take his cue and also relaxed, brushing his bangs out of his face lightly with the back of his hand and leaning forward in his seat, elbows on the table. A classic Dom stance if Gilbert ever saw one.

"You said you don't like that raspberry drink Emma always gets. What flavors do you like?" Lovino ended the question with an almost shy glance in Gilbert's direction, like he wasn't sure how questions about his personal life would be taken. Little did he know Gilbert always took the chance to talk about himself.

"In sweet things? Definitely maple. Maple flavored everything, it's so awesome!" He raised a hand to his mouth conspiratorially and Lovino tilted his head closer. "Did you know you can have maple syrup and pancakes for all three meals?"

Up until that moment, Gilbert didn't realize he hadn't heard Lovino honestly laugh before. His face lit up and his eyes seemed almost golden when he was legitimately happy. Traitorous submissive thoughts came into Gilbert's head again, telling him it was his job to keep Lovino happy, but he tried his best to ignore them.

"I see," Lovino said when he finally calmed down. Their food was placed in front of them, Gilbert with beef noodle soup and Lovino with a platter of dumplings. While Gilbert immediately started eating (this restaurant wasn’t his favorite for nothing), Lovino picked at his food for a moment, then asked, "What's your favorite color?"

Gilbert finished his mouthful before he choked on it in surprise. Doms didn't want to know this kind of thing about subs. It was a scientific fact, in Gilbert's mind, that Doms only cared about how to make a sub submit. Even his brother hadn't asked him such silly little questions like what his favorite color was.

"I don't have one," he said eventually. Lovino hummed around his own mouthful of food. "What's yours?"

"Green, I think. These are really, _really_ good," he said, pointing to the dumplings with his chopsticks, and then he re-pinned Gilbert with his sharp eyes. "What's your favorite type of music?"

"I don't understand the Inquisition here, Lovino," Gilbert said, although it made his hands shake again to actually hold Lovino's gaze and frown at him without automatically shooting insults. He felt very vulnerable in a way he didn’t think he liked. "Why are you asking all these weird questions?"

Lovino's expression turned almost apologetic for a moment before his quick temper visibly got the best of him. "Just trying to get to know you and all that bullshit. Sorry if I'm not the best fucking conversationalist in the world."

He got even cuter when he was pissed off. Gilbert grinned, resting his chin in his hand. "Aw, did I make you mad? Wanna get some ice cream after dinner?"

"Shut up, asshole!" Lovino snapped. Gilbert was prepared to snap right back, a playful comeback at his lips, but Lovino had turned a shade of embarrassed red that had nothing to do with his earlier anger. "Jesus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

" _Stop_ ," Gilbert interrupted. "Stop. How are we supposed to be best friends forever if you're walking on eggshells around me? I'm not gonna snap in half if you call me a 'bad word'." His own temper ran much cooler than Lovino's, if hotter than the average sub, so he shot back a, "Fuck you for that, by the way."

Lovino huffed irritably and started eating again. Gilbert followed his lead, and when their eyes met again, both of them were smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading


	10. Unfit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 9: Who does your character trust?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the italics formatting is off anywhere, I didn't even get a chance to read this through, much less edit. I wanted to get it out before today became tomorrow.

Their not-date ended more than amiably. Gilbert and Lovino exchanged numbers, Gilbert gleefully showing Lovino his number under "Tiny Italian". Lovino offered to accompany him home, just in case, but Gilbert refused. 

"You're in the opposite direction, Lovino, and Antonio's apartment isn't far." When Lovino didn't look convinced, Gilbert added, "I'll text you as soon as I get back, promise."

Lovino eyed him but relented within a few seconds. "If you're sure," he said softly. He patted Gilbert on the arm and squeaked rather adorably when Gilbert hugged him instead. The shorter man's arms settling around his waist got entirely too comfortable, so Gilbert broke the moment by ruffling Lovino's hair and earning a glare in return.

"Get your skinny ass home before I call Antonio to pick you up," Lovino grumbled, his 'r's trilling harshly with his increasing accent. He looked dead on his feet. Gilbert filed away the fact that his accent got thicker when he was tired to think about the cuteness later. "And have a good night."

"You too!" Gilbert grinned wider than he had in a while, waved a hand, and turned to walk in the direction of the subway. Lovino, predictably, was taking a cab. He would probably implode if he even looked at the filth of the underground.

Gilbert startled a bit when his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. There was no way Lovino was actually so worried he wanted to call Gilbert ten seconds after splitting with him. He pulled it out and was surprised to see his brother's name on the screen.

"Hey, West!" he crowed, genuinely excited. He loved hearing from his little brother--the man couldn’t call often enough. "What's up? Why are you calling so late?"

" _Hello, Gilbert. I figured it was more likely you'd be up in the middle of the night than the morning_ ," came his brother's familiar voice. " _Sorry I haven't been able to call--_ "

"No, it's alright! I've got a job too now, like I told you I would!" Ludwig made a curious sound. "I mean, nothing as important as your job, but I'm making my own money at least."

Ludwig sighed. " _No job is more important than any other, Gil. And that's not why I was calling you_."

All of Gilbert's cheer at hearing from his brother vanished and he just about stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk. "Is something wrong?" he asked, feeling himself go cold all over. If _anyone_ threatened his brother there would be hell to pay.

" _Not with me, no_." There was the sound of shuffling papers, and Gilbert made his second mental note of the night to talk to his brother about working so hard. " _Antonio called_."

"I'm _fine_ ," Gilbert said harshly. He suddenly wished he had brought a jacket he could hide in. "One Dom punishing me properly isn't going to break me down or anything." He could tell Ludwig was going to say something else but he powered on, walking quicker to the subway entrance. He didn't want to hang up on his brother at all, he just wanted to end the conversation about his disobedience, and the fastest way would be to go underground. "Most Doms aren't like you. They don’t want to talk about what happened and hug and kiss and shit, they want their subs to do right by them, and apparently I'm so shit at that it takes a few beatings to knock it into my head."

There was silence down the line this time. Gilbert continued walking, one hand shoved in his pocket, the other gripping his phone like a lifeline. " _Please, Gil_ ," Ludwig finally said. " _I trust you, but I trust your judgment on everything except this. You're not a bad sub at all_."

"I know you trust me, and I trust you too." Gilbert kicked an empty can down the street, turning a corner that lead to the nearest subway entrance. "But you're not being objective. I'm not a good sub and I deserve to be punished, and I won't hear any more about it." He paused at the top of the stairs, leaning against the railing just before the concrete sloped underground. "I love you, Ludwig. I'm gonna crash when I get back to Antonio's so I'll just call you back tomorrow." 

They both knew that Ludwig wasn't done denying and Gilbert wasn't done asserting, but thankfully his younger brother took the cue. " _Of course. Love you, too, Gil_." Gilbert let Ludwig hang up first, and then locked his phone. He looked at it for a long while, scrubbed a hand over his eyes, and made his way down to the train. 


	11. Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 10: Can you define a turning point in your character’s life? Multiples are acceptable.

Gilbert missed his brother. A lot. Sometimes he wondered why he didn't just fly back to Germany and go back to his old life, but then he remembered that Ludwig was funding his entire life before he moved to America and felt horribly guilty.

He stared at his phone, still lying on his side in bed. It was approaching ten am but he didn't really want to get up on his day off. He had Ludwig to call, and Lovino already sent a text thanking him for a great night and asking when he wanted to meet up next. He got the easier task out of the way first, smiling slightly as he replied to Lovino.

'I'm off today, if that's not too soon,' he typed slowly, then hit send. He waited two or three minutes, dozing, and then rolled onto his back and dialed his brother's number.

"Okay, West, get it all out," he greeted rudely. 

There was silence on the other line. " _You still call me that, you know. If you were really mad you'd be using my name_." Gilbert huffed but didn't deny anything.

Gilbert was born first, of course, in what was formerly East Germany. Their parents hadn't yet fled to the West after the wall fell; three years of continued poverty and Gilbert's birth was the turning point. They tried their best to save money, even borrowing from Gilbert's grandfather who was living in Italy. Four years later Ludwig was born in West Berlin and Gilbert, much more worldly for having lived in the East for all his young life, was determined to protect his baby Western brother.

"Of course I'm not mad, West." Gilbert curled further into his blankets, closing his eyes. He could hear Antonio starting to get ready for work, turning on the coffee maker and shutting himself in the bathroom. "But I don't need protection."

" _I want you to come home_ ," Ludwig said in a rush. " _I miss you, Elizabeta and Roderich miss you, you had a good life here_."

Gilbert sniffled a little, determined not to cry over something so stupid as his little brother thinking of him. And right when he was missing home, too. "No, I won't. I can't live like I did there." He didn't have anything living under Ludwig's roof. A younger sub being protected by a Dom sibling was common, but not a sub who should be on his feet leeching off his more successful brother. "I told you, I have some sort of job. I'm living with Antonio now so I don't have to drag my Dom… my ex-Dom down. I'm better alone, anyway."

" _At least come visit_?" Apparently Ludwig was really set on this idea, and he learned his stubbornness from Gilbert himself. " _I'll buy you a ticket--_ "

"I'll buy my own fucking ticket, West. Give me a few weeks." Ludwig made a pleased sound and moved the conversation to his own life, asking Gilbert occasional questions that he got slightly tired answers to. Gilbert knew his whole experience boiled down to bruises and paying the rent but it did make him feel good to have his brother actually interested in him.

A knock at his door twenty minutes later brought Gilbert up from the slight subby haze he was in listening to his brother speak. Antonio poked his head in and grinned at him, mouthing 'coffee' and then closing the door again.

Coffee sounded very good. Before Gilbert could apologize for having to hang up, Ludwig said, " _Thanks for calling me. I do miss you_."

Gilbert's small smile he was sporting the whole conversation grew into a smirk. "Miss this awesomeness, huh? Can't blame you. I miss the best little brother in the world too." Ludwig chuckled, said his goodbyes, and then Gilbert was lying in silence. He was tempted to sleep for another few hours but that would do him more bad than good, so he sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

His phone buzzed twice, alerting him to a text. West didn't really like texting when he could call, so Gilbert knew it wasn’t him. Lovino's name (or rather, 'Tiny Italian') flashed across the screen.

Gilbert opened the message with some hesitancy. Was he too forward suggesting going out a day after their first dinner? He was starting to think of their one outing as a date and that made him uncomfortable; he felt like he didn't have a right to seek out someone--Dom, sub, or Neutral--so soon after so badly fucking up his last relationship.

'Do you mind if we hang out at mine?' the text read. Gilbert wanted to believe it was just friendly, that Lovino really did just want to sit around and probably eat pizza and watch a movie. Realistically, it was the number one cliché of both men and Doms to want to "hang out" and instead have sex. The worst part was, Gilbert didn’t mind either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry to lay it all on you like this but I've been feeling really horrible emotionally lately. It would be a big help if you could leave kudos or a comment if you like what you're reading. Thank you so much for sticking with me.


	12. Tired II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 11: Is there an animal you equate with your character?

By the time Gilbert dragged himself out of his room, Antonio was sprawled on the couch watching the news with his coffee in hand. When he saw Gilbert's no doubt exhausted expression he put the coffee down, shifted so he was laying on his back, and opened his arms.

This was probably the _best_ thing about Antonio, in Gilbert's opinion. Sure sometimes he didn’t know exactly what to say in every situation, but he knew when someone needed some physical contact and was always happy to provide it.

"Rough morning?" Antonio said as Gilbert settled onto his chest, turning his head to watch the news as well. It wasn't sarcastic or derisive, just a concerned question.

"You could say that." Antonio covered the back of his neck with a warm hand, something that was almost guaranteed to make Gilbert go under. He relaxed considerably and hummed. "Gonna hang with Lovino again."

Antonio rubbed his back with his free hand, right between the shoulder blades. "How did it go last night? He was nice to you, yes?"

Gilbert pushed the top of his head further under Antonio's chin. "Very nice. It was weird." They lay in silence for about ten minutes, Antonio actually paying attention to the news and Gilbert shifting restlessly, adjusting Antonio to his liking.

"You're like a big cat, Gil," Antonio said, laughing as Gilbert narrowly avoided kneeing him in the hip to turn and lie on his side, still on top of Antonio. "Lie still!" He managed to manhandle Gilbert into lying on his stomach again, Antonio's hands in his hair and stroking the back of his neck. "Stop moving and thinking so much."

At this rate Gilbert was going to fall asleep again. He was feeling just anxious enough about absolutely nothing at all that he wanted to be comforted and move at the same time--something that had gotten him in trouble _a lot_. He sighed and kicked his feet lazily.

"Do you think I could be his sub?" he mumbled into Antonio's shirt.

"Mm, I think you can do whatever you want." The Spaniard continued to look at the television but Gilbert could tell all of his attention was on him. "You're a sub that takes a lot of patience but when you submit you really honor and obey and all that stuff subs are supposed to do. You're a challenge; the good kind, where winning means you get an amazing prize… like if I won a thousand tomatoes."

Gilbert squeezed his suspiciously wet eyes shut, exhaling a shuddering breath. "Thanks," he rasped. Antonio just continued to stroke his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading


	13. Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 12: How is your character with technology? Super savvy, or way behind the times? Letters or email?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are getting shorter and shorter. Tomorrow's will be long because I like the prompt and have a big drawn-out plan.

Feliciano picked up the third note he found in the kitchen, reading it over before carefully flattening it and stacking it with the others so he could save it. Both he and his brother were young enough that they had no problem with texting, and it would be a lot easier to remember to do things if he had a list on his phone. Lovino didn't care about the ease of things, apparently.

He left notes everywhere like it was the nineteen hundreds, and Feliciano saved every single one. Their home in Italy had more than enough storage space for a little file cabinet full of Lovino's notes, from the aggressive (passive-aggressive wasn’t his style) to the sappy (sometimes he left notes for Feliciano just reminding him that Lovino loved him and Feliciano took _extra_ special care of those).

Today, note one was about cleaning the bathroom because Lovino did it last time. Note two was left on the kitchen table and looked like half-formed grocery list. Note three, pinned to the corkboard in the hallway, told Feliciano that Lovino would be out all day doing something with Gilbert. It didn't say what "something" was but Feliciano was reasonably confident it was completely platonic.

Feliciano himself didn't have anything big planned for the day. Making more pasta was one small activity because they were running low on penne. He supposed he could stop by the patisserie and talk to Francis and probably Antonio if he had a break. Or finish the grocery list Lovino already started and go shopping.

His phone ringing jolted him out of his thoughts and he ran back to his room, fumbling through his sheets until he found it. "Yes, hello?" he said, slightly out of breath, without looking at the caller ID.

" _Feli, thank Christ! How do I get a sub to let me put him down without making him think its all about sex_?"

Feliciano took a minute to parse that question, listening to Lovino move around on the other side of the line. "Pardon?" he finally replied.

" _You're completely useless, you know that_?" Feliciano hummed absently, taking his phone back into the kitchen where he was about to get a snack before Lovino's notes distracted him. " _Gilbert is so stressed he's making_ me _stressed. Subs like it when their friends put them down, right_?"

"Not really, no." He rummaged through their pantry while holding the phone between his cheek and his shoulder, passing over bags of chips and packages of ramen to find something sweet. "Imagine if Feliks kneeled at your feet out of the blue one day."

He could practically feel his brother's shudder from… wherever he was. " _First of all, Feliks is your friend, not mine. Second of all Toris would probably kill me even if Feliks initiated_."

Feliciano laughed lightly, pulling out a bag of powdered doughnuts. He set them on the counter before searching for even more sweets. "Well there's your answer. Where are you two anyway?"

" _Can't talk now, fucking slow ass line is moving. See you tonight_!" Lovino hung up, leaving Feliciano with silence, but he didn't really mind. His brother was having a lot of fun with the cute sub from the café and that was all he really cared about. That, and getting those notes stored away temporarily until he could properly file them at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don't know the amount of times I've typed Romano/Prussia in this story and had to replace it.


	14. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 13: What does your character’s bed look like when they wake up? Are the covers off on one side of the bed, are they all curled around a pillow, sprawled everywhere? In what position might they sleep?

Lovino checked his calendar one day and noticed it was a month past the first time he and Gilbert went to dinner. It was by no means an _anniversary_ , mostly because they weren't in upper secondary school, and also because they weren't dating. The closest they got to romantic was Gilbert's love of grabbing Lovino's hand to drag him to whatever he wanted to do next.

Still, Lovino wanted to do something special. He picked up a ton of Thai food and got in a taxi to Antonio's apartment where Gilbert was still staying (and now paying rent, so the situation looked pretty permanent).

"Lovi!" the Spaniard greeted when he came to the door, halfway through his first knock.

"Antonio," Lovino replied in a much calmer voice. To anyone else, Antonio's smile would be infectious, but to him, it was annoying. He had come to love Antonio like a brother, and in true Lovino fashion, treated both his blood and adopted brothers with contempt. "Gilbert's here, yes?"

Antonio's blinding smile fell by a fraction. Although Lovino wanted to push past him to understand why, he waited for the taller man to explain. If it took him more than five seconds to do that, Lovino would probably just go with the original plan.

"Yes, he's here, but…." Antonio scratched the back of his head, thankfully letting Lovino inside and shutting the door behind them. "I don't think he's feeling well."

"Oh." Lovino looked down at the Thai food in his hands, then looked back up. "As in, ill?"

Brilliant green eyes turned to the door to the spare room at the other end of the hall. "I would say it's drop but he hasn't gone into subspace for anyone, as far as I know. Certainly not for me." He sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair and sending his already tousled curls in all directions. Now that Lovino looked at him closely, he seemed stressed.

"How long has he been like this?" Lovino asked. He walked around Antonio to put the food away in their refrigerator, noting the meals already prepared in glass containers that were left untouched. 

"This is the third day. Francis already came over…. Gil won't talk to us or his brother. I was actually going to call you myself, if you hadn't shown up today." Antonio had lost all of his smile; in fact, he looked close to tears. "I have to go to work, can you talk to him? I've never seen him this upset."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Lovino said, not unkindly. Antonio shot him a grateful smile, then grabbed his keys from the table by the door and left.

The apartment was silent like it hadn't been since Gilbert moved in. Usually he was blasting his music or playing some video game or both, so even when Antonio wasn't having a party there seemed to be a lot of life in the small space. Today, it seemed stale and sterile--up to Gilbert's militant standards of cleanliness but without even a little human presence.

Lovino steeled his nerves and walked to Gilbert's room. After a moment, he opened it without knocking, peering in on his friend. The lights in the room were off but there was still light coming through the window from streetlights and the setting sun, casting Gilbert in a pale orange light that made his white skin seem more sunkissed.

"Gil?" Lovino sat on the edge of Gilbert's bed, reaching over to pat his shoulder. He didn't move, like he was sleeping, but his eyes were open and staring at the wall behind Lovino. He was curled on his side with all his sheets and blankets pulled up to his chin and Lovino wondered if he really slept like this, or if Antonio had tucked him in before leaving.

They sat in silence for almost a full minute. Lovino shifted at one point to get more comfortable, drawing Gilbert's gaze. "Sorry, Lovi," he rasped, staring at the wall again. "Not good company today. Maybe tomorrow?"

"I'm not your friend just for the good company," Lovino muttered, rolling his eyes. "I'm here for the shitty stuff too. What the fuck is the matter?" He softened his words with a hand on Gilbert's back, rubbing gentle circles through the blankets.

"'M fine." Lovino scoffed and Gilbert couldn't help but smirk a little in reply. "I am." 

Lovino exhaled in a short, noncommittal hum, then stood up. Gilbert's pale hand shot out from under the pile of blankets and grabbed his wrist just before he could step away. "Gil--?"

Gilbert's mouth was against Lovino's for barely a second before he responded. Gilbert was kneeling on the bed to be close to Lovino's height, one hand still wrapped around his wrist and the other fisted in his shirt. It was just pressure until Lovino's lips parted in a sigh, and then Gilbert's tongue was in his mouth and he backed away.

They just looked at each other for a moment, Lovino's hands inexplicably resting on Gilbert's hips. "Gil," he said softly, regretfully, and Gilbert immediately closed off.

"Fuck… shit." When Gilbert attempted to pull away completely, Lovino captured his lips again, pressing him back to the bed and leaning over him. Gilbert went soft and pliant and _submissive_ like he never had as Lovino's friend and that flipped something inside of Lovino that told him to take control. His first and only goal was to make Gilbert happy and if kissing him was doing that, it was only a bonus.

Eventually Gilbert pulled back for air and Lovino sat up, knees straddling either side of Gilbert's narrow waist. "You're so fucking beautiful like this," he sighed, one hand pressing gently just above Gilbert's collar bone and the other pushing a lock of white hair behind his ear. "What do you want, Gil? I'll give you anything."

A flash of something crossed Gilbert's face and Lovino paused. "Or nothing," he said, lifting his hands and sitting off to the side. Gilbert sat up as well, rubbing his hands over his face. "What do you want?" Lovino asked again.

Gilbert's eyes were red-rimmed and bright when he glanced back up at Lovino. He took Lovino's hand and pulled him forward again, but instead of kissing him, he just buried his face in Lovino's neck and made a little distressed sound. Lovino, still fully clothed, shifted so Gilbert was back under his pile of blankets. He wrapped his arms around the German, resting his cheek on the top of his platinum blond head.

"Sorry," Gilbert was saying quietly. His arms, wrapped around Lovino's chest, tightened as if he couldn't bear Lovino leaving. "I ruined this, didn't I?"

"You didn't ruin anything." 'If anything, I fucked this all up,' Lovino thought, thankful their position didn't let Gilbert see his expression. Eventually Gilbert's breathing evened out in sleep. Lovino continued to lay with him for a long while, debating whether or not to leave and pretend this never happened or wait for Gilbert to wake up. Either way, he felt like he would regret his decision.


	15. Orders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 14: How does your character react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?

When Gilbert awoke again, he was almost positive the whole thing with Lovino had been a dream. He was alone in his bed, tucked in like Antonio left him, and there was no sign of Lovino having been in his room. "Fine," he said to himself, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Good. This is awesome."

The smell of coffee was enough to get him to raise his head. He wasn't sure what time it was exactly, since he had crawled into his room about two days ago and only left to use the bathroom without looking at any clocks. Or in the mirror, for that matter. If Antonio was making coffee, Francis must be over (Antonio wasn't much of a coffee drinker and Gilbert usually made his own).

He didn't want to get up. He felt disgusting and dirty and tired, like he was being punished for something he didn't remember doing. Maybe he was having fever dreams of a Dom who actually cared about him and he was still with his ex, sleeping on the floor for talking back.

That thought hit a little too close to home and rattled him. Gilbert stood up from the bed on shaky legs and made his way to the door, pulling it open slowly and quietly and stepping into the hallway. "Toni?" he called, clearing his throat when it came out as little more than a hoarse whisper. "What time is it?"

"Around ten at night." Gilbert stopped short, blinking in surprise at the Italian sitting at his kitchen table. He suddenly wished he had brought one of his blankets to wrap around himself, instead of just standing in a t-shirt and sweatpants. He felt very exposed for being fully clothed. "Sit, I made coffee."

Gilbert pulled out a chair and hesitantly lowered himself into it, wrapping his arms around himself as though he was cold. "It's late, Feli. Shouldn't you be at home?"

Feliciano leveled Gilbert a rare serious look. "I'm not five, I can stay up past my bedtime." He pushed a full mug of black coffee at Gilbert, who took it and drank half of it down despite its scalding temperature and the fact that he hadn't eaten in about thirty six hours. "Lovi asked me to stop by."

The mug made a loud _clink_ as Gilbert tried to avoid dropping it on the table and spilling it everywhere. "Can you tell him I'm sorry?" he asked in a rush, hands shaking. He could feel his heart start to beat so hard it hurt and his fingers go cold. He was dropping, hard, for no reason it seemed, and he didn't know if he could pull himself out of it. "Please? Can you tell him I won't touch him again?"

Feliciano's serious expression fell quickly to concern and he leaned forward, cupping Gilbert's cheek in his hand. "He said the same thing, you know. What happened?"

Gilbert pulled away from Feliciano very quickly, stumbling back from the table and almost knocking his chair to the floor. Feliciano looked hurt, a feeling Gilbert was inspiring in too many Doms as of late. "I kissed him and he didn't want it. Please don't tell Antonio, I don't want him to kick me out!" He was getting hysterical. The crushing weight of subdrop felt like it was suffocating him and Feliciano wasn't _leaving_. "I can't go back to Germany, please just go!"

"Gilbert, stop," Feliciano ordered. Gilbert fell to his knees, making a jarring impact with the kitchen floor that he could barely feel. "Stay there for a moment. Don't look up, cross your wrists behind your back."

Hearing someone as sweet as Feliciano in full Dom mode was odd, Gilbert noticed in the very back of his mind. Most of him was concentrating on following orders, glad to have something to do that someone else decided for him. He crossed his wrists and lowered his head, still shaking, but much less than before.

Feliciano left the room for a moment, and then returned with one of Gilbert's blankets. He draped it over him and tucked it so he was practically buried in the soft fabric. Then he pulled a kitchen chair closer and sat on the very edge, pulling Gilbert closer to rest his head on Feliciano's knee.

"Very good," he said softly, running a hand through Gilbert's unwashed hair and pressing kisses to his forehead like he wasn't disgusting and unwanted. "You're doing so well for me, Gil, you're doing perfectly."

"Please tell Lovino--" he started to mumble, but Feliciano shushed him, running his fingers lightly over his shoulders and the back of his neck.

"This isn't about Lovino, this is about you. I have some orders for you, do you think you can follow them?" Even the way he worded his _questions_ was Dominant. Gilbert shivered and nodded. "Take a long shower. I want you under warm water for at least twenty minutes. I'll bring you some clean clothes, change into them, and get back in bed. I'll bring you something to eat and then you'll sleep until the morning. Call me when you wake up."

Gilbert took a moment to remember everything, and then nodded again, clenching his hands into fists. Nothing on the list was impossible to do. Feliciano wasn't setting him up to fail, he didn't want to see Gilbert disobedient. Once he finished everything he would ask about Lovino again, but for now, he was content to let that problem wait. 

He froze before standing, still on his knees on the hard floor. If Lovino didn't want to see him, Feliciano probably wouldn't either. Was he doing this out of pity? Or…?

"Will you be here tomorrow?" Gilbert asked against Feliciano's jean-clad leg. His nails bit into the palms of his hands, which were still behind his back.

Feliciano smiled softly, regretfully, down at him. "No, I have to be at home. I'm sorry Gilbert. But Antonio will be back soon. Do you want me to call him?"

Gilbert shook his head violently. "No, will you be _here_? You're not--I didn't--" He took a shuddering breath. "You're staying in New York? Not going back to Italy?" He coughed wetly and sniffled, his eyes filling with tears. Apparently he wasn't as cried-out as he thought. "You're not saying goodbye right now, are you?"

He found himself wrapped in warm arms, his head pressed into Feliciano's neck while the younger man rubbed his back in slow circles. "Gil, no, I wouldn't leave you like this," he was saying over the sobs Gilbert tried to stifle. "Go do everything I told you, alright? We'll talk after."

Everything was just too much. Gilbert resolved not to think any of his own thoughts until he had a better grip on himself. He accepted Feliciano's help in standing up, accepted the kiss on the cheek Feliciano gave him before gently herding him to the bathroom, and accepted the fact that he had destroyed one of the best friendships he'd had with one stupid mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited, please tell me if anything looks horribly out of place... thank you for reading.


	16. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 15: Is your character an early bird or a night owl?

Lovino was still awake at eight in the morning, sitting on the floor in the living room with his back against the couch. He was tempted to get piss drunk a few times during the long, long night, but he resisted, instead staying awake with strong coffee and his thoughts.

Feliciano walked in around midnight, glanced at him, and then continued past without another word. After that, everything was numb. He couldn't stop thinking about Gilbert crying, about forcing himself on a distressed sub just because he could. He ran because he was a coward and sent his brother in after him. He wouldn't be surprised if Feliciano, the most forgiving man on earth, held this grudge until they got back to Italy.

He heard his brother's cell phone ring once from the other room around eight o' five. "Calm down, _caro_ ," he said, the words muffled by the distance between him and Lovino. The rest of the conversation was lost to him and he didn't try to listen in.

"Lovino," Feliciano said from much closer. He looked up at his brother, who was holding out the phone with a slight frown on his face. "He wants to talk to you."

Blinking in confusion, Lovino reached up for the phone and brought it slowly to his ear. "Hello?" he asked, almost expecting his _Nonno_ to be on the other line.

" _I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to try and force you into anything you didn't want, and I won't ask you to see me again_ \--"

Lovino stumbled to his feet, shushing Gilbert and practically tripping over himself in an effort to get to the front door. "No, no, Gil, none of this is your fault. I want to come over, is that alright?" He got sound of refusal in reply and paused with one shoe half pulled on. "Gil, I want to talk to you face to face, not over the phone."

" _I don't want you to see me looking like shit._ "

"You always look like shit," Lovino automatically replied, and Gilbert laughed wetly on the other side of the line. "Please, I won't come over if you don’t want but I need to apologize."

While Gilbert deliberated Lovino finished with his shoes and pulled on a jacket. " _Can I meet you at Francis' café? N-not that I don't want you at my place, but_ \--"

"You don't have to justify yourself. I'll be there in twenty." Lovino shoved his keys and wallet into his back pocket. "Please be careful on your way there, and feel free to bring Antonio." Part of Lovino couldn’t believe what he was saying, how he was being so calm about a situation that may have alienated the sub he'd come to think of as _his_. A different part of him thanked his _Nonno_ for his Dominant genes.

" _Okay, thank you,_ " Gilbert murmured, and then hung up.

Lovino set the phone on the entryway table. He took a deep breath, opened the front door, and set out.  
\---  
"And so this is why you've been up since four?" Antonio asked lightly, picking off pieces of his brownie and eating them. He was sitting in the chair opposite Gilbert's, feet up on the chair beside him, leaning back on two legs.

Gilbert shot him a look. "No, not since four. Eight o'clock is a fucking reasonable time to be awake." Of course he had woken up at four, but he tried valiantly to sleep to an hour with sunlight. He was anxious to break this thing with Lovino off clearly so he could stop moping around like some teenaged sub who broke up with their first Dom.

After Feliciano's impromptu visit the night before, Gilbert felt much more stable. He was in no way at his normal levels of confidence but his temporary depression had cycled back up into a kind of base contentedness. Gilbert asked Antonio to stop by to visit Francis, got a yes like he expected, and on the way there explained what he was actually there to do. Antonio didn't seem surprised at all.

"Mm, didn't say it wasn't _amigo_." He brushed the crumbs off of his hands and lowered his feet to the floor. "You sure you don't want to try to work it out?"

"Of course I'm fucking sure!" Gilbert huffed an exasperated breath, crossing his arms over his chest. "We were supposed to be friends and nothing else. I obviously can't handle that, and someone like Lovino wouldn't really want someone like _me_."

Antonio rolled his eyes. "And that's why you two play video games into the night almost every day, and go out to eat to places I've never even heard of, and have all your little inside jokes and pet names."

Gilbert's face was undoubtedly flaming red but he ignored the urge to cover his cheeks with his hands. "I don't think 'potato brain' counts as a pet name," he began hotly, pausing at the sight of Lovino walking into the patisserie, the little bell over the door chiming lightly in counterpart to the uncomfortable expression he was wearing.

"Lovi, over here!" Antonio called, a bright grin on his face. Lovino glared at him, walking over and sitting between him and Gilbert. When he met Gilbert's eyes he smiled lightly.

" _Buongiorno,_ Gil," Lovino said smoothly, without a hint of the nervousness that Gilbert was feeling. "Can I say my part or would you like to speak first?"

Gilbert looked over at Antonio; the Spaniard was regarding Lovino with a mixture of curiosity and wariness, and suddenly Gilbert remembered that he wasn't alone in this. He would still have his two best friends in the entire world if he never saw Lovino again because they were friends with _Gilbert_ , not Lovino. He wouldn’t have to lose too much of what made him happy when this tanked. The thought brought him enough confidence to murmur, "You first," folding his hands in his lap.

Lovino nodded, biting his lower lip. "A month ago, I offered you the option for us to hang out as friends without me fucking it up with romantic bullshit. I broke my promise to you and myself that I wouldn't let my romantic feelings get in the way of the friendship we have, and I'm so fucking sorry." He inhaled and exhaled shakily, meeting Gilbert's eyes. "If you're not disgusted by my actions last night, I'd like to ask you… I'd like to ask if we can start over."

The German was caught up on one thing Lovino said and it wasn't his last sentence. "You have romantic feelings for me?" he asked, frowning and tilting his head just slightly. This wasn't matching up at all with his perception of Lovino, the commanding, often un-self confident Dom who probably took female subs into his bed for one night and left them in the morning. Maybe Gilbert was reading too many romance novels.

"Of course I do." Lovino seemed to think this wasn't a revelation to Gilbert. "I asked you on a date almost five weeks ago."

"I…." Gilbert's gaze flicked over to Antonio again, and Antonio met his eyes with a sympathetic grin and a gesture to continue. "I thought you just wanted to fuck me, to be honest."

Lovino smirked, resting his elbows on the table and leaning forward. "If I only wanted to fuck you, you would have known." Gilbert knew this was a purposeful attempt at seduction because of the way the bridge of Lovino's nose and the tops of his cheeks turned the faintest peach pink, and him noticing that he noticed made everything Antonio had said before make sense.

It wasn't often that Gilbert got second chances from Doms he had wronged. "Does starting over mean you'll ask me on a date again?" he said in a rush.

"What about--?" Antonio started to ask, but Gilbert kicked him and he fell silent, his expression self-satisfied.

Lovino eyed Antonio in confusion. "Um, yes. It does." He reached forward, offering his hand palm-up to Gilbert, who took it and held tightly. "Gil, would you like to go on a date with me?"

Gilbert couldn't help the no doubt idiotic smile that spread across his face. "Yes, I will. And then I'll kick your ass in Battlefield."

"Oh, fuck you," Lovino shot back, but his hand never let go of Gilbert's and his golden eyes were soft and warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of really off prompt _again_ , and unedited. Thanks for reading.


	17. Interlude II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nap time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next prompt is another one that's probably going to have minimal Prumano (its about other family members) and I need them to be cute and good together at least for a small chapter.

"You're a really physical person," Lovino mumbled sleepily. He was lying back against his couch with Gilbert at his feet, his white haired head leaned against Lovino's leg. They had been sitting like this for over fifteen minutes while Lovino texted his _Nonno_ and he was more than ready for a _siesta_. Maybe he could convince Gilbert to join him.

Gilbert lifted his head and glanced at Lovino with an apologetic expression, shifting away so there was almost a foot between them. "Sorry." He dipped his head, folding his hands in his lap.

Lovino felt a brief flash of anger but it emptied out as quickly as it came, leaving him more tired than before. "No," he said and reached a hand out toward his sub. "Come here." Gilbert hesitated, took Lovino's hand, and then Lovino pulled him forward to sit on the sofa. He must have been really under for Lovino's little observation to make him respond like that and Lovino could have kicked himself for not noticing.

"I understand," Gilbert started to say, but Lovino, two weeks into silencing Gilbert in a way that was enjoyable for both of them, leaned forward and kissed him quiet. It was just pressure for a few moments before Lovino bit gently at Gilbert's lower lip, earning him a low moan. He pulled away regretfully when it seemed Gilbert was still feeling chastised for something he didn't do wrong; he was super handsy when they made out, something Lovino appreciated, but right now he was keeping his hands at his sides.

With a soft sigh Lovino pulled away, taking Gilbert's hands and kissing his knuckles. Gilbert flushed pink and grinned, his mouth slightly reddened from kissing. Lovino had to work to keep from staring and concentrate on what he wanted to say. "When I say things out loud," he said softly while pulling Gilbert into his lap, "And I _don't_ say, 'this is a fucking criticism you idiot bastard,' they're not criticisms."

Gilbert straddled Lovino's lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. Lovino held him around the waist, squeezing reassuringly. "Wasn't sure, I'm too…" and here Gilbert made a gesture into the air. "Floaty, I think."

"That's alright, I like you floaty." Lovino had only seen Gilbert in subspace three times since they started dating, all of them nonsexual, and all of them really humbling. Gilbert was loud and obnoxious ninety-nine percent of the time, but in private between the two of them he loved to be quiet and get all the attention Lovino could give him.

"'M sorry I keep touching you." Gilbert rested his chin against Lovino's shoulder. "You're soft."

Lovino coughed a laugh, carefully disentangling himself from Gilbert and pulling him to his feet. "Come _siesta_ with me," he said. "If I didn't want you to touch me I wouldn't date you." He grinned, watching Gilbert sway sleepily on his feet. "And for all you fucking call me adorable, you want to cuddle literally all the fucking time."

Gilbert stuck his tongue out. "I'm adorable and I embrace it. You're a whiny little bitch about it, all the time, every day--!" He cut off with a shriek of laughter, running to the bedroom with Lovino on his heels. Lovino might have been staunchly against hitting Gilbert, even jokingly, but he knew where every ticklish spot Gilbert had was. Even his exhaustion wouldn't stop him from making Gilbert happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited, thanks for reading.


	18. Interlude III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Video games!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be perfectly honest will yall--I completely forgot about doing this today. So at 11:30 EST I'm posting another little tiny chapter just so I don't leave you hanging... The next chapter will be back onto prompts.

Antonio rested his chin in his hands, watching Lovino and Gilbert playfully shove at each other as they played whatever video game on his television. Occasionally Lovino would get a kill and Gilbert would make a huge deal of it, kissing Lovino's lips and cheeks and often dying himself in the process. Lovino reacted almost angrily the first few times--Antonio half-stood from his seat at the kitchen table, ready to defend his friend--but Gilbert just laughed it off and continued teasing.

"Fuck you, idiot," Lovino groaned, slapping his controller against his open palm in frustration. "You're lucky I can't look away from this fucking screen 'cause you're asking for me to kick your ass."

The Gilbert as Antonio knew him in his old relationship would have cowed and apologized, practically kissing his Dom's feet and keeping quiet for the rest of the week. Gilbert of now, much happier and much more _himself_ , just cackled at Lovino's threat and tried to crawl into his lap and break his concentration.

Lovino huffed but adjusted himself accordingly, letting Gilbert sit between his legs and lean against his chest. He rested his chin on Gilbert's shoulder and continued to play as if he was sitting alone.

Antonio smiled serenely. Lovino hadn't yet spent the night in Gilbert's room, or the reverse to Antonio's knowledge, and they were still so comfortable around each other. He and Francis had been the only ones before Lovino to be able to touch Gilbert so casually without him flinching. Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly for someone like Antonio, he didn't feel jealous in the slightest.

Gilbert tilted his head back for a kiss and Lovino pecked him on the lips absently, the relentless clicking of his controller never pausing, and Antonio just knew in his romantic heart of hearts that they were made for each other.

"Eat shit," Gilbert said breathlessly, followed by Lovino's shouts of anger and Gilbert's inane laughing.

There was a thump, Gilbert's white haired head disappearing from where it peeked over the back of the couch next to Lovino's. Antonio's only worry was if they were going to clean up the floor after… whatever they were going to do. By the sounds of it (Gilbert's low moaning and Lovino's whispered Italian) Antonio was now actively intruding on something he didn't really want to intrude on.

Antonio very quietly stood up and inched his way past the couch into the hallway, valiantly ignoring how Gilbert was already shirtless and Lovino's hands were suspiciously not visible--

He made sure to close his bedroom door behind himself, plugging his headphones into his amplifier and picking up his guitar. Maybe by the time he played through every song he knew at half speed they would be done.


	19. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 16: Are there any blood relatives that your character is particularly close with, besides the immediate ones? Cousins, Uncles, Grandfathers, Aunts, et cetera. Are there any others that your character practically considers a blood relative?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to fit a little Prumano in this despite it being a platonic prompt. Enjoy!

The weather was becoming a lot warmer as spring turned into summer. The city wasn't quite sweltering yet but Gilbert, hailing from northern Germany, was already feeling uncomfortable in the heat. Francis entering the apartment was enough to get him to grin and beckon the older man over to the couch--not quite enough to get him to jump up and tackle him like he might have in the middle of winter.

"Gil," Francis said smoothly, kissing Gilbert on both cheeks. "How are you? We haven't had a chance to talk since you got with your little boy toy."

Gilbert's grin only grew, as it was wont to do when Lovino was mentioned, and he plucked absently at the fabric of his tank top. "I think I'm the boy toy in this situation," he teased. Francis laughed and accepted a glass of cool wine from Antonio, who then sat on the coffee table. Gilbert already had a beer in his hand that he had been nursing for the past five minutes while he and Antonio waited for Francis to come over.

"No," Antonio disagreed lightly, "You definitely have Lovino wrapped around your little finger." Gilbert shook his head at Francis, but his other best friend was watching Antonio with a rapt expression and a little mischievous smile that Gilbert knew meant he wasn't going to hear the end of this for a long time.

"Oh?" Francis asked with his sly smile. Gilbert rolled his eyes and leaned back against the arm of the couch, the mouth of his beer bottle at his lips and his eyes on the floor. He was also curious about how _he_ was keeping _Lovino_ around. It must have looked very different from the outside, because he felt like he was fighting tooth and nail not to lose Lovino over another stupid mistake.

"I should have taken a video." Antonio set down his own glass of wine at his side, to better gesture with his hands. "Just a few days ago they were in here playing Call of Duty together and you'd think they'd been married for ten years." Gilbert turned a furious shade of red to rival their wine and hid his face in the back of the couch. He was just joking around, nothing he wouldn't do with Francis or Antonio! "Every time Lovino looked at him it was like… I've never seen anyone look so smitten!"

Francis made an adoring 'aw' sound, nudging Gilbert's knee with his own. "I could tell he liked you from the moment he walked into our shop!" he said softly. Gilbert didn't lift his head from the couch cushions, but he did feel a cool hand rest on his shoulder. "Love is nothing to be embarrassed about, _mon ami_."

Gilbert sighed and turned enough to regard Francis with one eye. "It's not love, Francis," he mumbled. At least, it didn't feel like it. He had thought when he was younger that he was in love with Roderich, before he found out that annoying him incessantly was a better hobby than trying to make himself the kind of sub Roderich would want. He certainly felt _something_ for Lovino, but he wasn't sure what it was.

"Whatever you want to call it," Antonio began diplomatically, "It's very adorable and cute and makes me want to squish your little face." He dug his fingers into Gilbert's side, earning a reflexive kick and Gilbert almost upending his beer all over the couch.

"Don't fucking tickle me, you dick!" Gilbert put his beer on the floor and stood up, batting away Antonio's hand when he reached up again. "I'm calling in a pizza. Stay here and stop gossiping about my fucking…."

Right at that moment, Gilbert realized that he didn't have a good name for his relationship to Lovino. He hadn’t been directly Dominated by him besides the occasional order, so he wasn't quite his Dom, but they were also much closer than a word like "boyfriend" would imply. It wasn't something he'd had to think about since this was the first time he'd talked about it.

Francis rested his chin in his hands. "Your Lovino," he supplied unhelpfully.

"Yeah thanks." Gilbert sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Pizza."

He walked out of the room to the kitchen where they kept all the phone numbers for takeout places, ignoring the way Francis and Antonio immediately started whispering to each other. Unlike if someone like Arthur, Francis' on-again-off-again Neutral boyfriend, was gossiping about his relationship, Gilbert appreciated them actually giving his problems attention.

They were truly the older brothers he never had and never thought he wanted. If he had a problem they coddled and fed him (authentic French and Spanish cuisine was like heaven to Gilbert, who couldn't cook to save his life) and then talked the problem out to make it go away. Gilbert's method of older brother-ing usually involved more threats and violence than theirs, but he had to admit that their way worked too sometimes.

He wasn't quite sure what they could do to make him feel like he was worthy of someone like Lovino. Maybe, eventually, he would be confident enough to do it on his own.  
\---  
" _Hi, baby_ ," Lovino murmured sleepily. Gilbert felt a little fission of happiness down his spine at Lovino's causal pet name, even if it was only because he was tired. " _What's up?_ "

Gilbert had called him around ten at night because he had gone the whole day without sending so much as a text, but hearing him now made Gilbert feel a bit silly about how clingy he was. "Sorry to wake you--"

Lovino shushed him. " _It's fine, it's not that late_." There was the sound of sheets shifting from the other line. " _Is something wrong?_ "

The sound of his voice then, serious and awake when he thought Gilbert needed help, made him feel even warmer than the pet name did. He wrapped himself more tightly in his blankets and tucked his phone closer to his ear. "No, no problems. Just… me 'n Francis 'n Antonio were talking about us, and… what would you call me?"

Silence, and then, " _Sorry?_ "

Gilbert felt incredibly flustered. "Um, am I your boyfriend, or… or are we not at that stage?"

" _You're my sub. Maybe we don't have a contract or a collar just yet, but I came into this with the intention to be your Dom_."

Lovino was rarely so candid about actual emotional stuff. Gilbert kind of wished he could see his expression and exactly how red he was probably turning, but also knew he was comparably red and it was better they just pretend they could talk about relationship stuff without blushing like teenagers. "Okay. Thank you."

His Dom hummed lightly in reply. " _Thank_ you _for calling me,_ ragazzo dolce," he murmured. " _Can I come see you at work tomorrow?_ "

"Yes, of course." Gilbert couldn't keep his smile out of his voice. "See you tomorrow, Lovi."

" _Sweet dreams, Gil_."

Gilbert sat in bed with his silent phone for a few minutes, letting the darkness calm the excited pounding of his heart so maybe he could get to sleep. Lovino was planning on collaring him, and writing a contract, and while none of that was permanently binding it was still making Gilbert so ecstatic he could cry. He would see Lovino in person tomorrow and kiss him breathless, and maybe he would feel an inkling of what Gilbert felt right then.


	20. Tired III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 17: What’s your character’s desk/workspace look like? Are they neat or messy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _So_ way off prompt. Also contains my two favorite genre, miscommunication and angst, so...

Compared to Gilbert and Antonio's pristine apartment, Feliciano and Lovino's place looked well lived in. It wasn't _dirty_ , per se, but there were books and magazines cluttered around the living spaces and Feliciano's little souvenirs displayed everywhere there was a surface. The kitchen was the only place that was absolutely clean.

"You want something to drink?" Lovino asked, locking the front door behind them. Gilbert shook his head, practically marveling at the sheer size of Lovino's apartment. His and Antonio's little two bedroom was expensive as shit; the Vargas brothers must have been loaded to be able to afford this and not work.

Gilbert started to stack the books while still looking around. The fact that Lovino was rich didn't bother him throughout their friendship and even up until now because he just didn't think about it. They mostly went to Gilbert's house or around the city. But here, in the middle of his wealth, Gilbert felt distinctly uncomfortable and distinctly… unworthy. Surely there was some pretty rich sub in Italy waiting for him?

"Stop cleaning, idiot," Lovino said fondly, coming up behind Gilbert and wrapping an arm around his waist. "There's better things you could be doing for me, anyway…." He touched the side of Gilbert's face, tilting his head down for a brief kiss. Gilbert responded automatically, letting Lovino muss his hair and lick into his mouth without thinking.

Apparently he wasn't as into it as he normally was because Lovino pulled away and looked up at him curiously. "Gil?" he asked, some of his normal frown darkening his expression. "What's wrong?"

Gilbert made a noncommittal gesture. "Tired, I guess." He sat on the couch--it was probably real leather, it probably cost more than Gilbert's largest paycheck--and pulled Lovino down to sit with him. He adjusted Lovino to be more comfortable and rested his head on his chest, smoothing his shirt flat.

"We don't have to go out." Lovino touched the back of his neck and Gilbert melted against him. "It's not quite _siesta_ time but--"

"No, no, we'll go out," Gilbert said without making an effort to sit up.

There was the sound of keys in the door and Feliciano burst in, already chattering like he had started talking five minutes ago. "--and we just bought them! _Nonno_ just told me the news, aren't you excited?"

Lovino wrapped his arms more tightly around Gilbert, talking into his hair instead of turning to his brother. "What the fuck are you talking about?" he asked.

"You remember Pietro right? And Matilde?"

"Yeah, that _fottuto idiota_ and his daughter, I remember."

Feliciano bounced over to them, a wide smile on his face. "We bought their land! Pietro is moving to Spain to another vineyard and doesn't want to keep up the one in Tuscany, so he sold it to us! Do you know how much we're going to profit off of next year's yield?"

Gilbert glanced up to Lovino and was surprised to see him smiling too, his golden eyes bright. " _Dio_ , Feli!" He disentangled himself from Gilbert, leaving him sitting rather confused on the couch. " _Nonno_ finally finished the fucking deal _and_ we're up another ten acres?" Feliciano nodded vigorously and Lovino pulled him into a hug, leaning away to kiss his face.

"Ah! Lovi!" his brother giggled underneath all the kisses. Gilbert watched bemusedly as they began to talk in rapid Italian, Lovino pulling out his phone and dialing… someone while Feliciano picked up the laptop that was sitting on the coffee table.

Gilbert, more quietly than he could ever remember moving, slowly stood from the couch and wandered out of the living room. The kitchen wasn't extremely interesting to him, but he supposed it would be useful to know where the bathroom was. There were four closed doors in the bright hall across from a wall of windows that looked over the city from a few stories up, and one open doorway all the way at the end of the hall.

He was halfway down the hallway, about to open the nearest door and peer inside, when he heard Lovino shout "Gilbert!" from the living room.

He pulled his hand back from the doorknob as if he'd been burned and then froze in the spot, not daring to even breathe. He'd thought giving them some privacy was the right thing to do. He didn't have a place in whatever they were doing, Lovino had pushed him aside to talk to his brother, they were busy. The sound of Lovino coming closer spurred Gilbert into action--he usually got into way more trouble when he didn't come when called.

"Yes, Lovino, sorry," he mumbled, coming back out to the living room with his wrists crossed behind his back and his head down. "I didn't--I didn't know I wasn't allowed to move, I'm sorry."

Lovino didn't answer for a long second. Gilbert was almost tempted to raise his head, just to make sure that Lovino saw him enter. Then Lovino's hand grabbed him by the upper arm and he automatically fell to his knees, taking a shuddering breath. He had hoped his first punishment would be in private, and not for an offense he could have prevented, but he always fucked up and should have expected this.

"I'm sorry, sir, please, I'm sorry," he said in a rapid whisper, resisting the urge to bring his hands up to protect the back of his head. "Please, sir, it won't happen again." Gilbert wasn't sure if Lovino would hurt him worse for talking but he had to apologize, he couldn't just kneel in silence.

The Italian in the background slowed to a halt. Feliciano was probably looking at him, would probably see him get beaten and understand that he wasn't a good sub after all. Better that they go home knowing their hopes for Gilbert were unfounded so they wouldn't look back… not that they would look back for someone like him.

He saw Lovino's shoes in front of him and squeezed his eyes shut. The only thing Lovino had on hand to hit him with was his phone, and Gilbert knew exactly the size and shape an iPhone bruise would be against his skin. It was all he could think about when Lovino's hand touched his shoulder, fingertips brushing him lightly.

"Gilbert, look at me." Gilbert inhaled a shuddering breath and then opened his eyes. Lovino was sitting in front of him, legs crossed, a disappointed expression on his face. "Why are you apologizing?"

The fucking mind games. That was the one thing Gilbert couldn't take without tears, being made to explain what he did wrong and what punishment he deserved. "I moved without asking in your home. I-I didn't think, I should have asked b-because you're my Dom and I don't get to--don't get to, um." He floundered, still looking into Lovino's eyes like he was ordered. He didn't lift his hands even when he felt tears running down his face.

"Gilbert, no," Lovino said firmly, leaning forward and pulling Gilbert toward him. "Come here, _innamorato_ , you're not in trouble." Gilbert swallowed back the sob that threatened to break out as he leaned into Lovino's shoulder, clutching at the back of his shirt. "Feliciano, _un momento_?"

The Italian started again, haltingly, and Feliciano made his way down the hallway instead. Gilbert felt very empty all of a sudden and tried to pull away, but Lovino didn't let him go, kissing his temple.

"Hush, Gil, _mio bello sottomesso_. We're going to talk about this, but for right now I need you to know you're not in trouble." He shifted so Gilbert was more in his lap than kneeling on the floor. Just being up against his Dom's chest calmed him down, even if he still felt like he _should_ be in trouble. "I would never punish you for something so fucking small."

Gilbert lifted one hand to rub at his eyes. His whole submissive life was disappointment after disappointment and he wasn't lying to Lovino when he said he was tired.


	21. Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 18: Is your character a good cook? What’s their favorite recipe, whether they’re good or not? (Microwave mac-and-cheese applies.)
> 
> alt title: food for thought

For the next ten minutes, Gilbert waited for Lovino to cook him more pasta than he could ever eat. Food was apparently a comfort thing for Italians, something they brought with them into New York through generations of immigrants (every Italian food place he went to gave him extra for free when he looked upset). 

Lovino pulled a kitchen chair over next to the stove and made Gilbert sit in it so he could keep an eye on him. At first Gilbert felt a little aggravated that Lovino thought he needed to be minded like a child, but after the fifth time in as many minutes Lovino dropped a kiss on his forehead he found it didn't bother him so much.

"Eat," Lovino told him while setting a plate in his lap. It wasn't piled as high as he expected but it certainly was a lot of food. He didn't hesitate in following Lovino's order though, stabbing his fork through several noodles and putting them in his mouth. He supposed they were good. Right now, everything tasted like ash.

Lovino sighed and pulled up his own chair, close enough that their knees were touching. "I want you to keep eating and listen. Don't interrupt me." Gilbert nodded. "There is no such thing as a minor infraction with me."

The pronouncement startled Gilbert into dropping his fork but he recovered quickly. According to Lovino, even not following the order to eat could get him in serious trouble.

The Italian seemed to see his racing thoughts because he reached forward and laid a hand on Gilbert's thigh, his thumb rubbing gently. "Not in the way you're thinking. Anything you do that's a breach of contract is enough to be punished for. My first contract, that included cheating, repeated lying, and purposefully disobeying explicit orders, and even that one could be argued against." He put his hand over Gilbert's on his fork, stopping him from compulsively shoveling food into his mouth. "You would never be punished for leaving a room I didn't tell you you couldn't leave."

Gilbert felt more than a little nauseous. "Can I put this plate down?" he asked in a much weaker voice than he intended. Lovino sighed but nodded and Gilbert lowered the plate and fork to the floor. He didn't look back up and Lovino sighed again, more angrily this time.

"You don't have to ask for shit like that, Gilbert. I don't know how to get it through your head that I'm not trying to fucking run every instance of your life." He stood abruptly, pacing the length of the kitchen. Gilbert followed him with his eyes, his body automatically tensed and readied to bolt if Lovino made any sudden movements toward him.

"Sorry, I won't ask again," Gilbert murmured. Today was turning out pretty not-awesome. He just wanted to go on a date, he never should have suggested going over to Lovino's house.

"Stop fucking apologizing." Gilbert's mouth shut automatically. Lovino walked slowly over to him and took his hands, pulling him to standing; Gilbert went willingly and let Lovino guide him out of the kitchen, leaving the plate on the floor. "That wasn't an order. I… I forget you weren't raised like… other people I know."

Gilbert made a questioning noise, barely noticing the details of Lovino's room as he was pushed inside. Lovino closed the door behind him, sat Gilbert on the bed, and knelt to take his shoes off. The sight of Doms in such a position always made Gilbert feel viscerally uncomfortable so he closed his eyes.

"Raised like who?" he ventured, opening his eyes again when Lovino stood. 

"Friend of Feliciano's. I'll introduce you two one day… I'm not sure how you'd get along." A short hum of acknowledgement, and then Gilbert stayed quiet while Lovino removed his own shoes and unbuttoned his shirt most of the way. He sat on the bed next to Gilbert and rested light fingers around his waist. "I'm sorry I've been so short with you. And don't take this opportunity to make a short joke." The German wanted to laugh at that--he loved to make jokes about Lovino's height until the other man kissed him to shut him up--but he couldn't work up the energy.

Lovino seemed to understand that he found it funny, though. He shifted Gilbert to lie on his side and laid next to him, facing him. "I was under a lot of stress until today and I just took it out on you. I didn't mean to curse at you."

Gilbert waved his hand dismissively. "We curse at each other all the time. Didn’t bother me."

"I think it did." Lovino took his hand and kissed his fingertips, making Gilbert's face flame red. "You know I don't mean it, right? You've been through different things that I'm used to and it frustrates me, but you're worth it." Gilbert wasn't sure if he could get any redder than he was at that moment and wasn't eager to test it.

"Can we just talk about it later?" he asked, curling closer to Lovino. The Dom seemed happy that he felt he could ask. He nodded and pulled a throw blanket over their legs, leaning forward to brush his lips across Gilbert's nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a lot of thought, I've decided that I don't mind how "OOC" everyone is. I haven't gotten any outright complaints about people being out of character but I'm sure everyone has noticed that they don't exactly follow strict to canon. But the thing is, from panel to panel, Romano and Prussia's relationship goes from mutually respectful to almost shippy to playfully disrespectful (seriously, go look at every comic where they interact. It's adorable).
> 
> I'm characterizing them how I want to, and in a way that fits the story. They will get back into "canon" periodically, especially when they're around other people like Germany or Austria. Most of the time, however, they're going to be two characters who aren't in a relationship in canon being written into one, in an alternate universe no less. I think it's not asking much to be afforded some leniency and wiggle room in characterizations because none of these situations would ever happen!
> 
> Sorry for those paragraphs, tl;dr I know they're OOC and I'm not going to let that bother me.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading.


	22. Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 19: What’s your character’s preferred means of travel?

The train wasn't very crowded at three in the afternoon on a Saturday. Gilbert held tight to Lovino's hand, smiling faintly every time Lovino leaned over to kiss his cheek. Kissing was like a compulsion for him, it seemed; Gilbert had never been kissed so much in his life and he found he really liked it, even if it did make him turn embarrassingly red.

"You want to go home afterward, right?" Lovino asked, rubbing his thumb in a small circle over the back of Gilbert's hand. "We can eat at your place."

Gilbert hummed in agreement. Lovino had most of his attention on his phone, composing an email in Italian with a lot of words Gilbert recognized as swear words. It was three days post his breakdown at Lovino's house, and although Lovino was very careful to keep Gilbert close (barring the few hours he took to go home, sleep, and shower), he still had a business obligation to uphold.

Lovino looked out of place on the train though, no matter how empty it was. He paid for taxis all the time, everywhere he went. Gilbert was sure he would have a car if his apartment building had parking spaces. The German, however, liked the train a lot. He was capable of being quiet and people-watching when the mood struck, and the best place to do that was packed in a smelly sausage casing with the rest of the proletariat.

Their stop came about ten minutes later. By then Lovino was done with his email and was looking up something that Gilbert couldn't read over his shoulder. Lovino stood and gently tugged Gilbert to standing too, then led him off the train and onto the platform.

Once up on the street there was only a short walk to the Mexican place they decided to pick their food up from. Lovino walked slightly ahead of Gilbert, as per tradition, but it was mostly Gilbert's intentional slowing that put them in that position. Every so often Lovino would tug his hand until they were walking side by side.

"Do you like planes?" Lovino asked out of nowhere, holding the door to the restaurant open. Gilbert walked in ahead of him, let him order for both of them (in this sense Lovino was adorably traditional), and took one of the carryout bags despite Lovino's protests.

"I do," he said once they left, once again letting Lovino lead slightly in front. "Why?"

Lovino looked flustered and avoided Gilbert's eyes. "Was that how you came to America?" he asked without answering Gilbert's question.

"Yeah, it was. I've got my passport and my working visa too, if you'd like to see them," Gilbert teased, but Lovino actually looked interested in seeing them. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You're lying, and also you're bad at lying." Gilbert stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, breaking his and Lovino's connection. "Why am I not allowed to lie but you are?"

Lovino's red face faded back to it's normal warm color as he got serious. "No, you're fucking right, of course." He gestured toward Gilbert, beckoning him closer, and took his hand again. "I have some business to do in Italy. It can't be done over the phone or on the internet, I have to go personally."

Gilbert felt his heart stop and he almost dropped the carryout bag. "Y-you're coming back, though, right?" he stammered, squeezing Lovino's hand nervously.

"Of course I am, you think I would leave you alone in this hell country?" Lovino grinned sharply at him. "I actually… wanted to ask if you'd like to come with me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	23. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 20: Does your character have any irrational fears?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I posted another story so if you guys like Prumano... uh, there's more.
> 
> Thanks for reading.

Ludwig was a worrier. While his brother had played hard and fast with his childhood and into being a young adult, Ludwig was very methodical and logical about everything. He went to university studying mechanical engineering, and got a job as a contractor and consultant for a large construction firm. Gilbert, however, did every job under the sun to help his brother pay for university, lived unhappily in his basement for a few years, and then up and moved everything he owned to America.

Almost once a month Ludwig tried to talk his brother into moving back to Germany and every time, he refused. He seemed to have found a solid friend group and a pretty nice place to live in New York. At least, he didn't sound as depressed as he had when he told Ludwig goodbye at the Berlin Tegel airport.

"Hi, West!" Gilbert said over their Skype connection, waving at his brother. "How is work?"

Ludwig took a moment to study Gilbert's expression--he looked genuinely happy and Ludwig relaxed. "Work is the same as always. How are you doing? Living with Antonio, right?"

Gilbert nodded like an excited puppy. "It's like a sitcom or something, West, but we get along well. Francis is always over too, oh my fucking God we get so drunk sometimes…!" He cleared his throat, looking shiftily at the laptop's camera. "I mean, responsibly drunk. No blackouts or anything!"

Ludwig sighed, knowing exactly what Gilbert meant when he said "so drunk." He remembered some of the house parties he used to have in Germany. "As long as you're with Doms you trust," he warned.

His elder brother rolled his eyes and adjusted himself on his sofa, shaking the camera a bit. "Antonio is a Switch, West, and they'd never let anything happen to me!" There was the sound of a door opening from Gilbert's side, and he leaned over the back of the couch. "Hey Lovi, I'm on a call right now!" he said.

This was interesting. Gilbert had mentioned something about a Dom he was seeing, despite Ludwig's concern that it was too soon after his last relationship. A man passed the back of the couch, only visible up to his mouth set in an unwelcoming frown. He was dressed very well for someone in Gilbert's area, dark blue suit and white shirt pressed and straight.  
"Hurry up, bastard," he said in a strongly accented voice, cupping Gilbert's cheek in his hand and bringing him up into a harsh kiss. It only lasted a moment before the man pulled away and left the room. Gilbert sighed with a grin on his face, then turned back to the camera, blinking serenely at Ludwig.

Ludwig was not so impressed. "Does he always speak to you that way?" he asked seriously. From what he understood, Gilbert's last Dom was less verbally abusive than physically, but Gilbert probably wouldn't see the difference.

"He doesn't mean it," Gilbert said with a wave of his hand.

"Gil--"

"And anyway, you're always talking about _my_ relationships. Is there a cute sub in your life yet?"

The topic of romantic relationships never failed to fluster Ludwig, the exact opposite of Gilbert who took to being flirted with like a duck to water. "No, I'm much too busy for that." Gilbert pouted at him and he added, "I am seeing a Neutral woman for a few dates, but I don't think it's going anywhere."

"You're all alone over there, West, and you work too much! Sometimes you make me wanna move back and keep you company."

"You should," Ludwig said almost without thinking. Gilbert tilted his head and bit his lip, rubbing the tops of his arms uncomfortably, but Ludwig continued to press. "America isn't the best place for you. I know you've made friends there, and you think you can have a steady relationship… you've spent almost a year there and I think you're worse off."

Gilbert sighed shakily and opened his mouth to reply. Before he could say anything, the other man was back, leaning all the way over Gilbert's shoulder now. He had very dark hair, styled impeccably, and bright golden eyes that flashed at Ludwig even across their internet connection.

"Listen here, shithead," he spat, one hand on the back of the sofa and the other in Gilbert's hair. "You don't get to tell _my_ sub where he shouldn't and shouldn't go, and who he should and shouldn't see."

Ludwig's hackles raised at the thought of some other Dom taking control of his brother. "And you can? You probably don't care at all about what he's been through." He moved his attention back to Gilbert, almost pleadingly. "Come home, we all miss you and--"

"Hey, fuck off!" the Dom interrupted again. "If Gil wants to move back, he'll fucking move back. Stop trying to manipulate him into moving across the fucking ocean just because you're a sick, lonely fuck!" He reached out toward the camera, holding the screen. "What a fucking dick," he sneered, and then Gilbert's laptop screen closed and Ludwig's feed went dark. Skype told him Gilbert had signed off, and he was left staring at a black screen where his brother's face just was.

Apparently Gilbert would rather listen to some random Dom than his own brother when it came to his own happiness. If Ludwig were less _worried_ , he would let Gilbert make the mistake he was already making. As it was, he started to plan out when to take leave from work and what flight he should book to get to New York.


	24. Naps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 21: Relaxing in their favorite way (from OC Art Challenge)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited! I didn't like the prompt on the list I'm using so I took a different Day 21 from a different list. It was one about drawing your OC... which is kinda like what I'm doing, lol.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

"Aww!" Feliciano cooed, waking Lovino from his half-sleep. He frowned, already prepared to yell, but when he felt a weight on his chest he paused and looked down.

Gilbert was lying against his chest, mouth partly open, his pale hand clenched in Lovino's shirt. He was wearing his work apron, which prompted Lovino to remember their surroundings. Gilbert wasn't technically on break, but as soon as Lovino walked in he turned to Francis with tired eyes and asked if he could just take a minute to relax. Francis, of course, let him and Lovino sit at a booth facing away from the rest of the shop.

Sometime between Gilbert murmuring about some of the hell customers they had gotten that day and now, they had fallen asleep, Gilbert wrapped in Lovino's arms. He still wasn't awake; Lovino checked his watch and found that only ten minutes had passed since he last checked it.

Feliciano had the most saccharine look on his face as he watched the German sleep. "You're both so adorable," he whispered, holding out his phone. Lovino peered at it, rubbing one eye with the back of his hand.

He huffed angrily at the picture of the two of them. "Send it to me, then delete it," he growled.

"I'm making it my phone background!" Feliciano squealed, bouncing in place. If Gilbert weren't so comfortable, Lovino would have forced Feliciano to do as he asked--only not really, and they both knew it. The only person more obsessed with cute things than Feliciano was Gilbert, and he certainly wouldn't appreciate Lovino beating up his "cute little brother".

"Fuck off." Lovino tucked his jacket tighter around Gilbert's shoulders, covering the tiny sliver of his apron he had seen earlier. Gilbert mumbled something and tightened his grip on Lovino's shirt. "Come back with a black coffee and then we'll talk."

Feliciano nodded at him, then skipped away to the counter, where Francis was standing looking bored. Lovino sighed and buried his fingers in Gilbert's hair. He turned and mumbled again, blinking his deep maroon eyes up at Lovino, who stilled in the hope that he would just fall back asleep.

"Lovi?" he said a bit clearer, trying to sit up, but Lovino held him down by the shoulders.

"Feliciano's bringing us coffee," he said quietly. Gilbert seemed surprised he was still at work, peering down at his apron and then back up at Lovino. "When do you get off?"

Gilbert huffed lightly. "I don't even know. Today was supposed to be a long shift."

Lovino rolled his eyes and moved so he could reach his phone in his pocket. Gilbert leaned up and kissed him in a gesture that had become absent for them--sometimes the thought of them being so established made Lovino feel so happy he wanted to throw up--and moved off of his lap, sitting next to him and stretching.

"Did you have things to do today?" Gilbert scratched the back of his head, avoiding Lovino's curious gaze. "I didn't mean to fall asleep on you. I'm feeling okay now."

"Uh yeah, you can go fuck yourself with that," Lovino said, scrolling through a few emails that had come in while he was talking with Gilbert. He did have a lot of work to do before he went back to Italy, and Gilbert had yet to tell him whether or not he wanted to go, but he didn't have a problem making time for his sub. Especially if Gilbert was going to be quiet and adorable all over him.

"Why go fuck myself?" Gilbert asked indignantly. Lovino glanced up in time to see his hurt expression change to a forced anger when he realized Lovino's eyes were on him.

The Italian sighed and wrapped an arm around his waist, tugging him back against his chest. "I'd much rather spend time with you than do stupid shit." He felt his face heating from the frankly embarrassing emotions he was feeling, but he powered through. "I'll only have a couple more weeks with you before I have to leave the country."

Gilbert cleared his throat. "Sorry I'm being a bitch about this--" he began. Lovino tilted his head up with a finger under his chin and kissed him quiet.

"I didn't say that to pressure you. If you don't want to go, you don't have to." Even though he wanted to show Gilbert his home country, he understood the hesitation. Too many submissives he and Feliciano knew uprooted their lives for Doms and were left stranded when the relationship didn't work out, especially if the Dom was the one with all the money. "It would be entirely temporary and out of my pocket."

"Give me a few more days," he murmured. Lovino wanted to reply and reassure Gilbert some more, but Feliciano was skipping back over to them with their coffees.

Gilbert took his with a sharp grin. "Thanks, Feli!" he said, once again leaning against the back of the booth instead of Lovino.

"No problem, Gilbert! Did you have a nice nap?" Feliciano sat across from them, all bright smiles.

"Absolutely did!" Gilbert took a deep drink of his coffee, holding it in both hands like he was cold. Lovino reached over and adjusted his jacket over Gilbert's shoulders again just in case. Feliciano looked like he was about to burst at how cute Gilbert was being; even Lovino thought his bird's nest hair and sleepy eyes were extremely endearing.

What sounded like a pack of college students entered the patisserie and Lovino knew it was now the lunch hour. He was suddenly thankful Feliciano had woken them up when he did, so they could get coffee before it was impossible.

Said brother rested his chin in his hand, watching Gilbert enjoy his coffee. "You're probably just tired from fitting in your last shifts. Lovino is trying to get me to pack now but it's so early! Have you started packing yet?" he said, practically all in one breath.

Lovino gritted his teeth. "Feliciano," he said in a warning tone, but, as always, Feliciano waved him off.

"I don’t know if I want to go," Gilbert said honestly, his grin fading into a softer smile. "Sorry Feli, I have to get back to work." He looked down at the table and blinked quickly, then pressed a quick kiss to Lovino's cheek, stood, and walked very quickly to the back room.

He left Lovino's jacket behind. Lovino pulled it toward him, running a hand through his hair. "Thanks, Feli, that's just what I fucking needed." His brother apologized, looking genuinely regretful, but Lovino had already tuned him out. "I'll see you tonight, okay?" Lovino interrupted, "I need to meet with someone."

"Sure, Lovi. Is it alright if I go talk to Gilbert?" The notion that his brother needed permission to talk to his sub made him feel a bit better, but he was still frustrated that Feliciano would bring that up right after he calmed Gilbert down.

"Don't upset him anymore." He pulled on his jacket and tucked his phone back into his pocket. "Don't put him under. _Don't_ try to convince him to come with us."

Feliciano's mouth twisted apologetically. "Of course. See you at home."

Lovino leaned forward to ruffle Feliciano's hair for a moment, then avoided the throng of students at the counter to leave the shop.


	25. Interlude IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solidarity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel this is one of my weakest chapters, but it needed to be written for the plot to make sense.
> 
> Looking forward to writing more BFT interaction. (Also, UK fans, Arthur will be in soon.)
> 
> Thank you for 500 views!

Francis passed another customer their coffee and cake with a winning smile, getting a flirtatious wink in return. He wanted to follow Gilbert into the back room, where he was no doubt curling up on the couch in Francis' office and trying not to cry, but he couldn't leave the counter with the business they were getting. When Feliciano stood and followed him he felt a little better about staying; Lovino's abrupt departure was something he would have to think about another time. 

When the line began to thin out, Antonio walked in, ruffling his riot of curls with his own black apron draped over his shoulder. "On break?" Francis asked, grinning absently at the customer he was serving.

Antonio nodded and covered his mouth as he yawned. "Took it a little early. Gil texted me and said he was taking his early, too."

"Ah." Francis glanced at Antonio meaningfully, and the Spaniard started to sport a very uncharacteristic frown. "His little play-Dom came in and upset him. I don't know what they were talking about but I wish I had stepped in earlier."

Antonio worried his lower lip with his teeth. "Did he go home early?" he asked, and Francis could tell he was very anxious by his tone of voice. Antonio felt every emotion very keenly, and he Dominated like a mother hen rather than a demanding master. He had taken Gilbert into his home and by his logic, Gilbert was now his charge (despite their long standing friendship and close ages).

"No, he's in the back." He turned away to make another coffee, leaning slightly to peer down the back hallway. The light to his office was on but he couldn't hear anything over the noise of the shop. "Feliciano went back with him. I'm not sure what he's meant to do, because Lovino is his Dom and he doesn't seem the type to share."

"Gil was telling me Lovino wanted him to come to Italy with him." Francis almost spilled the coffee all over himself, turning to look incredulously at Antonio, who had a hand up to stop him from interrupting. "He said it would just be a visit, but I know that panicked feeling, _amigo_."

"Do you mind going to see him?" Francis asked, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. The sub on the other side of the counter blushed beautifully and he added an extra pastry to their order, free of charge. They were the last customer waiting at the moment; Francis leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, looking calmly at Antonio.

Said waiter nodded again, more vigorously this time. "Absolutely." He gripped his wrist in his opposite hand in a nervous gesture. "Do you think he'll want to talk to me?"

Francis shrugged lightly. "Gil doesn't have any sub friends in the States. As a Switch, you probably know best what he's feeling and how he'll react."

He watched Antonio rock back and forth on his heels for a moment before he looked up again. "I don't want him to leave us," he said in a small voice, far less cheerful than Francis had heard him in a while. Francis stepped forward to touch him, maybe stroke his hair or hold his hand, but Antonio stepped back just as far. "I'll be back in a minute," he continued, and then walked into the back room with the same purposeful step Gilbert had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please send your well-wishes and luck to me these next few months! I have a few highly stressful events coming up and I need all the help I can get.


	26. Regret II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 22: If your character could time travel, where would they go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the usual excuses as to why I'm so late.... We're in the home stretch, though I'm not promising eight more chapters (probably close to ten?)

"I wish I hadn't said anything," Gilbert mumbled into his phone. He was in a bar he and Francis had found a while back and never frequented because it was too out-of-the-way. Gilbert loved the seclusion now, sitting in the darkest corner with his back to the wall and his phone in his hand. He drank steadily for an hour before dialing Elizabeta's number, and for the last fifteen minutes he poured his heart out.

She made a sympathetic noise as she had several times before. Somewhere in the back of his head Gilbert knew it was about four in the morning in Germany, but he needed to tell someone what he was feeling before he exploded. His friends in the States would try to fix everything when really he just needed someone to _listen_.

He finished the rest of his drink and almost knocked the glass off the table as he set it down. "Now he probably fucking hates me because he wanted an _obedient_ sub, someone who would do what he asked instead of being a fucking idiot!"

Elizabeta sighed. " _Gil, you told me how well he treats you. I doubt he could hate you for expressing your opinion--_ "

"I haven't done _one thing_ he wants from me, Eliza! He can't order me to do anything because I fuck it up or fucking--" he sputtered, gesturing wildly with his hand, "Cry about it like a punk bitch!"

" _A lot of subs cry when they're uncomfortable, Gil--_ "

He slumped back in his seat. "Not you. Not Antonio, no sub I fucking know." He shuddered and coughed, trying to force back a sob that just the thought of crying brought out. "I almost miss getting beaten for doing the wrong thing. I should have just stayed with--"

This time, Elizabeta interrupted. " _Don't you dare say it, Gilbert Beilschmidt_ ," she said in a low voice. Gilbert dug the fingernails of his free hand into his opposite arm. " _I will not allow you to go back to that abuser. I swear, I'll fly to America and pick you up myself._ "

Gilbert's composure was beginning to crack. "I know, I fucking know alright?" He hung up on her, then immediately regretted it but didn't call back. She deserved to sleep soundly next to her Dom and not worry about his problems.

He wanted to keep drinking. At the same time, he knew that if he got any more drunk he wouldn't be able to get home. Maybe if he called Antonio his friend would be able to pick him up later.

After getting up and getting another drink, Gilbert stared at the wood grain of the table he was sitting at and really thought about his situation. The one thing he was certain of was that Lovino deserved a better sub. One who didn't want to drink himself to sleep at the slightest provocation, and could actually follow orders. Lovino was exceedingly kind despite his outward demeanor.

Gilbert, on the other hand, deserved people like his ex. Someone who knew he needed a firm hand, that he didn’t know what to do when it was supposed to be biologically programmed in him. Someone who would punish him severely for each infraction so maybe, _maybe_ his stupid brain would remember not to do it again. 

With shaking hands, Gilbert sent a text to Elizabeta, apologizing for hanging up on her. Then he sent a text to his brother, asking if he could arrange a ticket to take him back to Germany. And then he dialed Lovino's number.

While it wasn't as late in New York as it was in Berlin, Lovino was still asleep. Four rings in he picked up his phone with a harsh, " _What?_ "

"Sorry, Lovino, I'm sorry," Gilbert rushed to say. He wiped the first of his tears from his face with the back of his hand, swallowing an embarrassingly sad noise that almost escaped him. "I just wanted to let you know I didn't mean to waste your time for so long."

" _Are you drunk?_ " Lovino asked, sounding a little more awake. Gilbert wondered just how much he was slurring.

"I think so. Sorry, I just…." He paused and sniffled. "You don't have to worry about trying to control me anymore. I know I'm not good enough to be your submissive, I know that now."

Gilbert could tell Lovino was getting out of bed from the noises on the other end of the line. " _Where are you?_ " he asked in a no-nonsense tone.

Proving himself right for the nth time, Gilbert didn't answer the direct question. It was an easy order to follow but he couldn't ever do anything right. "Don’t get up, please. I didn't want to text you, I wanted to hear your voice again, but I can't see you." He laughed wetly. "You'll change my mind."

" _Do_ not _do anything stupid, Gilbert_." Lovino sounded panicked and Gilbert laughed again.

"I won't. I know its not my place to ask but can you tell Feliciano I'm sorry I wasted his time as well?" Gilbert stood up and went to the bar to pay for his drinks, dropping probably more cash than was necessary in front of the sub who worked there. They smiled lightly, noticing Gilbert's tear tracks and choosing not to say anything, for which he was grateful.

Lovino slammed something in his house and Gilbert jumped, his heart pounding and muscles tensing like he expected to get hit. " _God fucking damn it, Gilbert, if you don't tell me where the fuck you are right fucking now I'm going to lose it,_ " he said, not loudly but with a force that almost had Gilbert backing down.

"I can tell Antonio and Francis goodbye, don't worry about them," he murmured instead, opening the door into the cool night air. "They probably won't even remember me in a month."

" _I'm so sorry for pressuring you, Gilbert, do you want me to stay in New York with you?_ " Now Lovino sounded sweet and persuading, like he was trying not to spook a cornered animal. " _Feliciano can make the deal alone, I don't have to be there if you don't feel safe._ " His voice got thicker with every word, until Gilbert could actually hear him crying too. " _Please don't say goodbye to me, to anyone. Tell me what to do to fix this and I'll do it._ "

Gilbert, on his way to the closest motel, stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. He ended up leaning against a building when the ground swayed too much for him to stand straight. Lovino was crying. _Lovino_ was crying. Gilbert had fucked up so much he made his _Dom_ cry.

He felt like he couldn't breathe. "I'm sorry," he said again through his own tears. "This is all my fault. Please just forget about me, please, I'm so fucking sorry." He hung up on Lovino too before he could say something he regretted. It was better he leave quietly in the night rather than face any of them in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, the next chapter is going to be Lovino's thoughts on this whole thing and you'll understand why he reacted so badly (not that your boyfriend crying and apologizing isn't a good enough reason to react badly).


	27. Travel II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 23: Is your character superstitious?

Maybe it was Friday the 17th, Lovino wondered in a fit of uncommon superstition. Maybe it was even Friday the 13th, like the Americans were always going on about. Lovino pulled out his phone and checked the calendar--no, it was a Saturday, and they weren't even in the double digits yet. He did the sign of the cross anyway and tapped his foot incessantly. He just barely resisted turning and screaming his frustrations at his brother, _again_ , but Feliciano looked just as tired and scared as he felt so he let it go.

They were in a cab to Antonio and Gilbert's apartment--if Lovino had a car he would have gotten them there twice as fast, and if they were in Italy he would have stolen one. But then again, he wasn't sure he was in any state to drive.

Lovino had woken his brother right after Gilbert hung up, crying and practically hysterical. He was sure Feliciano didn't understand a word he said, some amalgamation of Italian and English and Catalan, but he stood and got dressed as well, herding Lovino out the front door. Once they got in the cab Lovino collected himself enough to tell the driver the address and explain the whole situation to his brother.

Feliciano touched his shoulder lightly. He shifted without looking up, letting Feliciano pull him into a very gentle hug and rub his back. "He's fine, Lovi, he's probably at his house," Feliciano whispered. "We're almost there."

Lovino swallowed harshly and didn't answer. He didn't say anything at all until they pulled up to Gilbert's apartment building, Lovino out of the cab and up the stairs almost before it stopped completely. He pounded on the door until Antonio opened it, the Spaniard stifling a yawn with the back of his hand.

"Lovi," he murmured. "Is something wrong?"

In lieu of answering, Lovino pushed past him into the dark apartment. He slammed Gilbert's bedroom door open and flicked on the light. His sub wasn't in his bed. He opened Antonio's bedroom just to be sure, and then the bathroom and went through the kitchen back to the living room and still didn't see Gilbert, and his head started to pound with worry.

"Do you know where Gilbert is?" he could hear Feliciano ask Antonio from the doorway.

Antonio hummed lightly, closing the front door and leaning back against it. Lovino watched him closely from where he stood in the middle of the living room. "No, he just said he was going out. Is Francis with him?"

Lovino reached up and grabbed a handful of his own hair, pulling it harshly until Feliciano gently pried his fingers away. "We're not sure," he began regretfully.

"Does he have a history?" Lovino's mouth said without his brain's permission.

Antonio tilted his head. "A history?" Feliciano looked curiously at Lovino as well, interlacing their fingers like he used to do when they were children.

"Is he depressed? Or has he ever tried to…," Lovino made a weak gesture with his free hand. He could barely speak through the way his throat closed up in fear. "To kill himself?"

Antonio's usually neutral expression was marred by a frown. "What's going on?" he said seriously, bright green eyes narrowed. "Why are you here?"

Feliciano stepped forward slightly, but Antonio was a Switch, not a sub, and didn't back down to the obvious Dominance he was exuding. "Gilbert called Lovino a little while ago. He said he was leaving and he would tell you and Francis goodbye…?"

"He didn't tell me anything about leaving." Antonio went back to his bedroom, presumably to get his phone, while Lovino dropped to the couch and pulled Feliciano down with him.

The younger Dom tightened his grip on his brother's hand. "We'll find him," he said reassuringly, but his voice was shaking.

"Will we?" Lovino asked; he meant it to be sarcastic but it sounded hollow to his ears.

Antonio returned, his frown deeper and aimed at his phone. "He sent a text. To me and Francis." He took a shaky breath. "Um. ' _Sorry, guys, I really love you but I can't stay here anymore_.'"

Lovino felt colder by the minute. "He's never said anything about… about wanting to…?"

Antonio sat on his other side and took his other hand, pressing the phone into it with the text still open. "I promise, he's never told me anything about having thoughts like that. We can ask Francis too but… Lovino, I don't think he's going to do that."

Feliciano studied the text carefully. "Didn't you tell me something about his brother?" he murmured, touching the screen with one finger when it started to dim. "He wants Gilbert to go back to Germany, right?"

Lovino froze. "Oh fuck." He disentangled himself from the other two and stood up, Antonio's phone clattering to the floor. "Fuck, I forgot about that fucking bastard. Do you think he's at the airport already?"

"If he took a cab it's only a half hour to JFK. I can check flights out to Berlin," Feliciano offered, his cell already in his hand. "Shoes on, Antonio, and call Francis would you?"

Lovino watched the Switch defer to his brother's orders (a rare situation, but the Vargas family knew how to make most anyone follow orders. Except, it seemed, their own subs). He left the apartment first, surprised to see that Feliciano had thought ahead and told the cab to wait.

Feliciano followed him after a few moments, Antonio right behind. They all sat in the back together, ostensibly leaving room for Francis; Antonio was on the phone speaking in quiet but insistent tones and Feliciano gave the driver directions to Francis' apartment. Lovino didn't really like being crowded but could really put up with anything as long as he knew Gilbert was safe.

The time to Francis' house passed quickly, a blur of streetlights and Antonio's rising and falling voice. Eventually they stopped and Francis got into the front of the taxi, leaning around the seat to look at them all. He reached for Lovino's hand and, after a moment's hesitation, Lovino took his hand briefly. Thankfully, Francis only squeezed once and let him go. 

"I wish I knew what Gilbert was thinking," he said under his breath, and Lovino huffed a humorless laugh. "His brother has always been…." Francis trailed off, looking to Antonio.

Antonio, always looking to compliment and see the best in people, scowled. "A controlling _cabron_ ," he said quite adamantly. Francis shrugged and nodded. "He wants Gil to do whatever _he_ wants, and Gil loves him so much he usually does it. He's been against Gil being in America since he first moved here."

Lovino ran a hand through his hair and leaned more against the window as the cab sped to the international airport. While his brother and Gilbert's friends continued to speculate, he thought about what he could say that wouldn't frighten Gilbert away again. Once he got him back, he would try his best to keep them together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to bog down the opening notes with this explanation for why I haven't updated in... a long time. Suffice to say I was incredibly stressed for the remainder of summer break and I didn't have the time or the mental power to update this story.
> 
> (Longer explanation: I had to take final exams for my classes, move into my new apartment, attempt to get my work hours organized, cry a lot, and spend inordinate amounts of money on school supplies.)
> 
> But never fear, because I have heaps of good news.
> 
> I'm settling into my new apartment nicely, and my schedule, at least at this point in time, has some nice blocks that I can sit down and write. That means that I will be able to update this story daily from now until the finish. I also have two new stories lined up; if you're a fan of football, particularly FC Barcelona, I'm working on a Bad Friends Trio/Hetalia interpretation of the team and some of their rivals (particularly Real Madrid, FC Bayern Munich, and Juventus). That's basically my September/October project, and I'm planning on it being pretty long... please support me in this endeavor!
> 
> After that, I'm planning a Prumano--the premise is a secret for now! I don't know how NaNoWriMo works, but that's the period I'm going to be writing in. If I end up writing the whole thing before publishing it in chapters, I will have other one-shots posted on this account to keep y'all from going months without anything new to read from me.
> 
> Soon, maybe before A Thing For Me is finished up, I'll have a one-shot relating to my football AU posted. It may not fit into the story once I actually start writing it (I might even make an outline, which I've never done!) but I want to get a feel for who would be interested. Don't be afraid to comment here with your projected interest in a football AU, or anything else you'd like to see me write!
> 
> Special thanks if you've read this whole note :^) I know it was super long, that's why I put it at the end of the chapter....
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I treasure each and every reader, and I hope you're getting some enjoyment out of my ideas.


	28. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 24: What might your character’s ideal romantic partner be?

When they got to JFK and piled out of the cab, Lovino was the first in the doors. He practically shoved stray travelers out of his way in his urgency, but once inside was forced to choose a direction to search.

"We can split up," Antonio said to the others, crossing his arms over his chest. Lovino waved all of them off and started searching the left side of the waiting area alone.

According to Feliciano, there wasn't an outbound plane to Berlin for another five hours, presuming Gilbert's brother put him on the earliest one. There was no guarantee Gilbert would be anywhere near the plane was supposed to board, so they had to search everywhere to have a good chance of finding him. Lovino kept his cell phone in his hand, just in case one of the other idiots found Gilbert and had to let them all know.

It took twenty minutes of fruitless searching for Lovino's exhaustion to catch up to him. He sat on one of the uncomfortable benches that were lined up near the moving walkways and put his head in his hands. He felt absolutely dizzy and sick.

This was it. If Gilbert left the country, Lovino could track him down with time and money but would probably not be able to convince him to return. Their short-lived but incredible relationship would be a thing of the past for Gilbert and Lovino's biggest regret.

A thin figure in a black hoodie shifted a few rows ahead of him. Lovino looked up from the faded logo on the back to their head; his heart stuttered for a moment when he saw a flash of white-blonde hair peeking out of the edge of the hood.

After taking some time to slow his heartbeat back to normal, Lovino stood up and walked around the rows of benches. He sat down again two seats away from the hooded figure. They didn't look up.

"I promise I'll leave you alone," Lovino began in a low voice. The figure jumped, startled, but continued to face the rows of seats ahead of them. "If I can just explain myself first, please? If you don't want to see me again I'll go, just say the word."

The figure stayed silent.

Lovino rubbed a shaking hand over his mouth. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you, I didn't mean to let my family pressure you. What you want is your decision; just because I--just because someone is your Dom doesn't mean they get to… to take the liberties I wanted to take." He cleared his throat. "I can't move you like a piece of furniture. I have to take you into account."

"You shouldn't," the figure said in Gilbert's raspy voice, made harsher by the late hour.

"I should," Lovino replied simply. When Gilbert didn't answer, he continued, "Would you like to know what exactly I look for in a sub?"

He waited quietly while boarding for a flight was announced, echoing throughout the airport. Gilbert was more hunched in his hoodie than before. Another lock of his bright hair flashed from under the hood.

"I don't want someone I can walk all over. You never mouth off or brat just because you can, but you're not afraid to tell me your opinion or when I'm doing something you don't like. Do you really think someone like me could l-love," he stammered, "Someone who just lies on his back all day, waiting for me to give him orders?"

The hood started to slip and Gilbert's pale hands reached up to tug it close again. "Haven't even done that yet," he said almost under his breath. Lovino wanted to reach over and kiss him but held himself back.

"I want more than sex." Lovino felt his cheeks burning but pressed on despite his embarrassment, something he had been doing very often around Gilbert. "I want _you_. Not the you that you think I want, I want everything about you. Your sad spells and your annoying laugh and the way you won't stay still when you sleep unless I'm touching you."

"This isn't," Gilbert snapped, "A fucking romantic comedy. You're not going to sweep me off my fucking feet and change my mind." He clenched his fists in his lap. "Fuck you. I hate you."

Lovino wanted to get angry like normal, to take the helplessness Gilbert made him feel and turn it into insults, but he was too empty. "I understand. I'm sorry I didn't treat you well enough. Please, please take care of yourself, Gilbert." He stood, floundered for a moment, and then turned and walked very quickly away.


	29. Home II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 25: Describe your character’s hands. Are they small, long, calloused, smooth, stubby?

'Wait,' Gilbert breathed inaudibly, pressing a thin hand to his mouth. He was sure Lovino didn't hear him, sure the other man wouldn't turn around from his brisk walk away. But he wanted this. He wanted to ruin his chance with Lovino. Didn't he?

His phone stayed silent for the next ten minutes. He sat alone in the waiting area, a few travelers passing him but never stopping near him, and breathed through his mouth to keep from crying. Gilbert had done enough crying over Lovino (not to mention all the crying Lovino had done over Gilbert) and a true strategist knew when to fight as well as when to give up.

Another ten minutes passed in that introspective silence. Occasionally a boarding was announced. Gilbert felt more and more empty and exhausted but too keyed up to sleep.

The next person that passed by him stopped a few feet from him and he automatically froze; he was a lone sub and not in the frame of mind to be able to defend himself. The person stood for a moment, and then knelt in front of him.

"I can't," Lovino said, golden eyes full of tears as he stared up at Gilbert. "I'm not doing this. Your brother can go fuck himself."

"Uh?" was all Gilbert could force out.

Lovino reached up and touched his hands, taking them in his own and kissing his fingertips; Gilbert found himself gripping Lovino's hands just as tightly. Lovino looked absolutely wrecked below him. "I thought I could do it. I barely even fucking know you, we've been dating for a month? Two?"

Gilbert shook his head just slightly and made to say something, but Lovino pressed on. 

"Come home with me. Don't go back to Germany, Gil, please. Fucking, forget not being worth or--or whatever you think it is that keeps us apart." Gilbert's hands began to tremble but Lovino just squeezed them harder. "You come up with a real reason and we can talk, but I'm not standing back while you…." He trailed off, searching Gilbert's eyes, maybe for an answer.

Tired and scared, Gilbert admitted, "I don't hate you." He felt very cold and wasn't sure why.

Lovino just smiled at him. "That's good." Gilbert hesitated, and then tugged on Lovino's hands, pulling him closer. He stood on shaky legs, turned, and pushed Lovino into the seat he had just vacated. Then he kneeled in front of his Dom, folded his hands in his lap, and rested his forehead on Lovino's knee. It was one hundred percent instinct to do so, but it did ease some of the tension he was feeling.

"I want to go home," he said softly. Lovino pushed the hood back from his head, kissed his forehead, and ran a gentle hand through his hair.

"Then we'll go," he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very unhappy with this, but I'm not sure where else to go with it... hm.


	30. Honest II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 26: Second day of favorites! Favorite comfort food, favorite vice, favorite outfit, favorite hot drink, favorite time of year, and favorite holiday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I did not follow the prompt exactly.
> 
> Warnings for discussion of suicide (unsuccessful, and neither of the main characters) and past domestic abuse.
> 
> Thank you to kittykatrocks12 over on FF.Net for all the comments! You made me see a little bit of a plot hole I had and hopefully I cleared up the confusion that anyone else may have had.

Eventually, Lovino kissed the top of Gilbert's head and held him under the forearms to gentle him into sitting in a chair instead of kneeling on the ground. The sub looked just out of it enough that he didn't attempt to fight Lovino, something for which he was grateful; Lovino was feeling so off-kilter he would have given in to any request. Gilbert rested practically on top of Lovino just as he always did in private, head against his chest and arms around his waist.

Lovino, still a bit shaky from the adrenaline rush of practically begging Gilbert to come back, held Gilbert tightly in return. "Do you mind if I call your friends and my brother?" he asked softly into Gilbert's shock of platinum hair. "As much as I would love to tell them to fuck off, they love you a fucking lot and they're going to be horrible if they find out I'm harboring you."

He could feel Gilbert's small smile against his shoulder. "You don't have to ask me," he replied demurely.

"I do," Lovino said patiently. "I already told you I want _you_ , not whatever submissive fantasy you think I _should_ want." Gilbert nodded once, in a way that automatically alerted Lovino that he didn't believe a word he was saying. "We'll figure it out." He shifted to press a kiss to Gilbert's cheek without a second thought; he had become incredibly publically affectionate since he and Gilbert started dating, and being seen like this didn't even make him blush anymore.

Lovino pulled his cell out of his pocket with his free hand, still pressed close to his sub. He called his brother, trusting him to relay the information back to the other two idiots, instead of pissing himself off by trying to talk to them directly.

" _Lovi? What's--_ " Feliciano was quick to answer, his voice high pitched and worried.

"Shut up and listen, Feliciano." Lovino pulled Gilbert's hood back over his head to keep him warm, adjusting him as he pleased. Gilbert shoved one hand in the front pocket of his sweatshirt--Lovino could see that it was a worn, well loved thing from up close--and sighed lightly. "I'm with Gil. You all take a cab back to Antonio's place and we'll be there soon, alright?"

Gilbert reached for the phone with an uncharacteristically shy expression. Lovino handed it to him without hesitation, stretching his legs and crossing them at the ankle. One person with a sleeping child on their hip looked at them curiously. They must have made quite the picture: both tired and sloppily dressed but with no luggage to speak of, clinging to each other like they would die if they let go.

"Feli," Gilbert murmured, and then Lovino tried his best not to listen in to their conversation. He had to think about what he was going to say to them, all of them, and how exactly he would make sure Gilbert knew he was in it for the long run.

Gilbert hung up the phone and passed it back to Lovino. "Do you want to leave now?" he asked softly, a far cry from the normal, confident half-yell he spoke in.

Lovino stood instead of answering, taking Gilbert by the hand and helping him up as well. "You and Antonio never have anything to eat," he murmured almost to himself. "Even though airport food is disgusting…." He relinquished his grip on Gilbert's hand to hold him around the waist, leading him away from the waiting area and toward the food and duty-free shops.

"I hope you're still all touchy-feely through 'till Spring," Gilbert said as they walked, both hands in his swearshirt now and his voice still raw through his weak humor. "Antonio always complains about our heating bill but you're like a tiny little electric blanket."

Lovino glanced at him wryly. "One more 'tiny little' comment and I'll be six feet from you at all times."

Gilbert cracked an approximation of his normal shit-eating grin but didn't push any more. It gave Lovino hope that they would be back to normal soon, instead of dancing around the problem forever.

Even though it pained him to do so, Lovino bought Gilbert a coffee heavy with cream and sugar and some kind of weird cheese pastry he had seen the German eating many times at Francis' shop. "Thanks," Gilbert said as he took a sip, obviously _allowing_ himself to be bundled into the back of a cab. Lovino wanted to smother and coddle him but too much of that would piss both of them off.

"If you don't want to talk to them, you don't have to," Lovino said as the cab pulled off. "Four Doms in the same fucking room makes _me_ uncomfortable."

Gilbert's mouth twisted as he huffed a laugh into the lid of his coffee. "Toni will project sub if I ask him." He froze like he was nervous about what he said, his eyes dropping to the floor of the cab, but at Lovino's prompting squeeze of his hand he took a shuddering breath and continued, "I know I fucked up tonight. I was pretty drunk and it made me think about things too hard."

Lovino nodded. He didn't really think Gilbert had fucked anything up, but the German wouldn't want to hear it and Lovino couldn't argue with him with both of their emotions so raw. The ride passed in silence for almost fifteen minutes before he spoke again.

"I want to tell you this now, before we're around… all of them." Lovino paused and leaned forward, hiding his face in his hands. Talking about personal things was almost impossible for him, but he knew it was something Gilbert deserved to hear. "Feliciano knows," he added, "But it's not something he would have told your friends."

Gilbert's coffee cup-warm hand rested on his shoulder. He made a quiet, curious sound, but let Lovino take his own time.

Lovino began in a murmur, "Feliciano has this friend, Feliks. They live in southern France with their Dom, but when we met them they lived in Poland. They’re a sub, really feminine, really submissive. They act like they can hold their own but even in an argument with someone as submissive as you they would give in." He glanced up, catching Gilbert's eye. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

The German waved the comment away with a smirk. "I'm submissive for _you_ , yeah. I've kicked a Dom's ass once or twice in my lifetime." He pulled one of Lovino's hands away from his face to intertwine their fingers. "Keep going."

Lovino squeezed Gilbert's hand. "Feliks was in a similar situation to you. They had a Dom who, um." Lovino rubbed his free hand over his mouth nervously. Just the memory of the situation made him feel uncomfortable, like his skin was too tight. "Who didn’t deserve them. And they didn't want Feliciano's help, they thought that was how relationships were supposed to work. They were in and out of the hospital by the end.

"They met this guy Toris, I think he was their neighbor? He saw the shit they were going through and tried to get them out." Lovino cleared his throat and brought the back of Gilbert's hand to his cheek. "Feliks was okay for about two weeks. Their Dom didn't get any parting shots in or anything like that. But they were convinced that they were in the wrong and after a little while of living on their own they… fuck."

His voice cracked on the word and made him pause. Eventually Gilbert nudged his shoulder with his own. "You don't have to--"

"Just give me a second," Lovino said quickly but not unkindly. "I wasn't thinking when I went out to find you, I was caught in this… this _history_ of a sub that isn't you at all." He sat up and held Gilbert's hand in both of his, struck by how concerned Gilbert's expression was.

Something about the softness of Gilbert's maroon eyes made him want to stop, but he owed it to both of them to finish the story. "Toris found them in their apartment. They, um. They took a lot of fucking pills." Lovino laughed humorlessly. "I had never seen Feliciano so scared. Feliks is fine now, perfectly happy with Toris, but sometimes those thoughts still get to them and they call Feliciano at weird hours--"

Lovino stopped abruptly as the cab slowed down in front of Antonio's apartment. Gilbert looked moments from bursting into tears and Lovino frowned as he only just realized it, reaching up to cup his face. "I'm sorry," he murmured sincerely. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Gilbert's mouth, surprised and pleased when Gilbert shifted to kiss him fully. "I wasn't trying to make you upset."

Gilbert pressed another quick kiss to his mouth, and then Lovino regretfully pulled away to pay the taxi driver and get out of the car. He came around to Gilbert's side and opened the door for him; when the taxi drove away Lovino kissed him again, arms around his waist and hands fisted in the back of Gilbert's sweatshirt.

"I know you weren't," Gilbert replied against his lips. "I think I understand better now." He brushed the tip of his nose over Lovino's hairline and pecked a dry kiss to his temple in the same place Lovino liked to kiss him. "But we should talk about it more soon."

A cold breeze reminded them that they were standing outside and Lovino shivered. "Soon," he repeated, and then turned Gilbert and pushed playfully on his back to get him into the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	31. Interlude V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at Feliks and Toris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for sticking with me despite my sporadic updating. School is very hard...
> 
> Since I mentioned Poland and Lithuania's relationship in the last chapter, I wanted to write some about them. Technically this chapter can be skipped if you don't like PoLiet, there is only a slight mention of Romano and Prussia and they don't feature, but I think you might enjoy this chapter anyway.
> 
> PoLiet is one of my favorite pairings and I hope to get the inspiration for a longer story for them one day. 
> 
> Very specific warnings for this chapter. Again, mentions of attempted suicide. Internalized self-esteem and body image issues, mental illness (depression, anxiety). A little bit of sex mentions but nothing explicit. Please tell me if I haven't warned for anything that may need one.
> 
> This isn't really a warning but I pretty much 100% headcanon Poland as genderfluid/agender, so their pronouns are they/them. I really don't like the kind of "man in a dress" joke the Hetalia dub goes into--I feel like Poland's enjoyment of wearing dresses and things is treated a little... better in the manga. But that's a different story.

Feliks adjusted their neon green skirt uncomfortably, watching themself in the mirror. They were having a very bad self-image day and, with Toris out already at his job and Feliciano busy with his grandfather's company, didn't have anyone to fall back on but themself. 

They sighed deeply and slid out of the skirt again, letting it pool on the floor around their feet. Maybe today wasn't a skirt and t-shirt day, maybe it was a skater dress day. They turned back to look through the inside of their closet, facing away from the full length mirror hung on the door, and seriously considered. It was too cool for shorts but to hot for jeans, but they also had to look fashionable, so they couldn't just go out in sweatpants with their hair pulled up messily.

Feliks sighed again and sat down on their bed. They were only going out to shop for the house. They didn't need to get all dressed up like they were going to one of Toris' work parties or anything. From experience, they knew that if they went outside without getting prettied up someone would call them a "he" and today, that on top of what they were already feeling would probably make them break down and cry.

The front door opened and closed downstairs and they jumped, startled. It was barely an hour after Toris left for work, and he very rarely came home so soon after leaving. Feliks took the stairs down two at a time, just in their lacy little underwear and one of the camisoles they wore in lieu of a bra, to greet the only person who it could be even at the early hour.

"Hello, beautiful," Toris murmured as they approached, standing in the entryway of their house with his suit jacket half off and shoes untied. At Feliks' curious look, he continued, "I'm taking the day off. When was the last time we just sat around and did nothing?" He smiled slightly and shyly just like he always did and Feliks felt like they were falling in love all over again.

Toris' smile dropped and he frowned worriedly. "What's wrong, Feliks?"

Feliks cleared their throat and affected a grin, trying to erase whatever expression had apparently been on their face. "Nothing! I'm totally happy you're home!" they said, bounding over to Toris and wrapping their arms around his neck. "I didn't get to go shopping yet, I was still picking an outfit! Isn't that, like, really stupid?"

Toris shook his head and Feliks loosened their grip, ready to pull away, but Toris just held them close with a hand against their lower back. "Nothing you do is stupid, Feliks, you know that. Do I have to remind you?" This wasn't asked in a warning tone--Toris wasn't the type of Dom to punish, even when Feliks felt they deserved it--but it did make Feliks look away, firmly chastised.

"I still, like, didn't go shopping," Feliks murmured, submitting to Toris' gentle hand on their cheek and leaning up into a kiss. 

"That's alright, we can do it later." Toris kissed them again, leaning them back in a little dip that never failed to make them laugh. "Is that what was wrong? You couldn't find an outfit?" he asked against Feliks' mouth.

Feliks felt more than embarrassed. "Yes. I'm really sorry," they automatically replied. A year ago they would have kneeled at Toris' feet and begged for forgiveness. So, progress.

"Don't be." Toris toed his shoes off without letting go of his sub, and then deftly lifted Feliks off of their feet and into his arms in a feat of strength that he definitely did not have. He didn't like Feliks going on their diets and worrying about their weight, and didn't believe Feliks when they said they were too heavy, and so made it a point to pick Feliks up at any opportunity.

(As Toris carried them up the stairs, they remembered the first time the Lithuanian had found one of their dieting books hidden under their side of the bed. "It's not about how much you weigh," he had murmured while flipping through it, Feliks curled up at his side under his arm. " _I_ don’t care about any of that. But if you do, I'll respect that."

That night, Toris pushed Feliks against the wall of their living room, hiked their skirt up, and held them about two feet off the floor for a very pleasant hour. Toris liked to repeat this method, in private of course, whenever they started to feel uncomfortable with their weight.)

He dropped Feliks in the center of their bed and leaned over them to kiss slowly down their neck and over their shoulder. Feliks wanted it to go further, especially as Toris began to lift their camisole and shift to get more comfortable on top of them, but, "I should really get the shopping done," they mumbled, running their fingers through Toris' hair and half hoping he wouldn't hear them.

Toris groaned dejectedly but did lean away and kneel above Feliks who was still on their back. "I guess," he pretended to whine, and Feliks smiled, seeing the humor in it. "But only if I get to come with you."

Feliks rolled their eyes. "Hm, I, like, guess so. But you _have_ to let me stop at IKKS, they've put out their winter collection and it looks so totally cute!" They caught themself gushing and paused, bringing their hands up to cover their mouth.

"None of that." Toris, expression serious now, pulled Feliks' hands away again. "You say what you want, Feliks, you're allowed to be excited. When's the last time I asked you to stop talking about something you liked?"

Mouth twisted, Feliks murmured, "Never."

"Exactly." Toris released Feliks' wrists and gently patted the outside of their thigh. "Get dressed."

Feliks nodded and rolled over, sliding off the bed. The bad feeling was returning as they got closer and closer to the mirror until they were standing still, uncomfortable, eyeing their soft stomach and flat chest, and the way the camisole stretched over it all. They could just see Toris sitting and watching them over their shoulder. "Um, maybe we should stay in," they amended.

Toris stood from the bed as well and walked over to the closet. "Let me see." He started to look through Feliks' side, much fuller than his own, and considered each outfit in turn. Some, the trousers and jeans, he passed over with barely a glance. The more dressy things were also pushed aside. He paused with his hand hovering over the section full of skirts, in color order. "Would you be too cold in a short skirt or do you want to wear something longer?"

Very suddenly, it was all too much. Feliks sobbed loudly and dropped to sit on the floor in front of the mirror, clenching their hands in their hair. Toris was being too understanding and patient and maybe Feliks had a little bit of a drop the last time Toris Dommed them and lied about it, and this was probably their punishment. This sick, disgusting feeling that welled up in their stomach and threatened to choke them.

Their Dom was saying something, trying to pull Feliks into his embrace, but the sub just pushed him away and continued to cry. "Th-they're going to think I'm a-a boy," they sobbed, taking shallow, shuddering breaths that made their head ache. "I-I--"

"Feliks, come here," Toris murmured into their ear, sitting behind them and pulling their back to his chest. "Explain it to me, beautiful, why are you upset?"

Feliks shook their head but didn't push Toris away again. "I'm n-not beautiful, I look like a disgusting man." They swallowed hard, wiping angrily at the tears that probably destroyed their makeup. "I-I don't _want_ t-to get all dressed up but everyone w-will call me--"

Toris interrupted them with a kiss to the back of their head. "I think I know where this is going," Toris said, "And you aren't seeing what I am. Ask Feliciano or Lovino or any of your friends, or any of _my_ friends, if you look like anyone but yourself, and they’ll tell you absolutely not."

"But--"

"No, no buts." Toris squeezed them very gently. "I think I know what you want to wear. Those grey sweatpants that say _niech żyje Polska_ down the side that you made when you went to that printing class with Feliciano, and that black tank top you bought three of because you like it so much, and the hoodie I bought you when I went on that business trip to Russia." He paused, and then asked, "Am I right?"

Feliks could only nod. Toris could literally read them like a book and all they had to offer back were tears and disobeyed orders.

"And you're afraid that doesn't look as feminine as a full face of makeup and one of the outfits out of those lookbooks you're always browsing?"

Feliks nodded again, shifting to bury their face in Toris' shirt, probably ruining it with said full face of makeup. Toris didn't seem to mind, petting Feliks' hair back from their ear.

"You don't have to look like a model every day, beautiful. Well, you already do, but you don't have to look like you're on the _runway_ every day." Feliks laughed wetly and sniffled. "We're going to get groceries and then window shop. Wear what's comfortable for you, and if anyone has anything to say about it, I'll let them know why exactly they're wrong."

"You're not, like, very much of a fighter," Feliks mumbled. They did feel better for Toris' encouragement, though.

Toris just hummed, the sound vibrating through his chest and helping Feliks sink into an almost-subspace.

Sitting on the floor in silence wasn't really how Feliks wanted to spend their day, no matter how upset they were. "I'll wear what you said." They sniffled again, leaning that much further into their Dom. "I maybe don't want to go to IKKS today."

"Then go tomorrow, or this weekend. Whatever you want to do." Toris stood up, helped Feliks to their feet as well, and pushed them to sit back on the bed. "Stay right there, beautiful, I'll get your clothes."

* * *

A half hour later they were in the middle of grocery shopping, Feliks very comfortable in their sweatpants and hoodie and Toris pushing the trolley beside them, when Feliks' phone rang.

They let 'Milkshake' play for a couple of bars, Toris hiding his grin as other customers started to look over, before pulling it out of their pocket and answering it without glancing at the screen. "What's up?" they asked.

" _Feliks! It's Feliciano! Is this a bad time?_ "

'It's Feli,' Feliks mouthed to Toris, who nodded and walked on while Feliks stood in an uncrowded aisle. "No, it's totally not a bad time! I'm just shopping with Toris. Why, is there something, like, wrong?"

Feliciano made a noncommittal sound. " _I have a sub friend, Gilbert, who's feeling a little… well. He's having the same kind of self-doubt that you have sometimes. I was wondering if you could talk to him sometime? Maybe not today, but…._ "

Feliks blinked. "He… he didn't… he didn't _attempt_ \--"

" _No, no_." Feliciano stumbled over some Italian words before continuing, " _I should have made that clear, he's--he's fine now, he's with his Dom, he just gets the drop periods like you do. He doesn't have any sub friends around here and I don't really have any advice for him_."

It didn't take a moment's consideration. "Let me know when he's free to talk and I'll make time. I wish I'd known another sub back then." Feliks supposed they could have sounded cynical saying something like that, but being surrounded by Doms at a time they felt their most vulnerable didn't really help the situation. It wasn't until they started seeing a sub therapist that they were able to open up to someone who understood what they were going through.

Feliciano sighed audibly. " _Thank you so much, Feliks, you're so amazing! I'll tell Gilbert to give me his schedule and I'll call you back. Also,_ " he began, switching topics at the speed of light in typical Feliciano fashion, " _At least Lovino and I are flying over to seal a couple deals in Italy and France. We have to come visit you and Toris!_ "

"Oh, absolutely!" Feliks grinned, tucking a stray lock of hair back into their messy bun with one hand. "Come by any time, our house feels, like, totally empty without Lovino shouting at all hours."

Feliciano giggled and Feliks could hear Lovino yelling about something or other already in the background. " _Okay, I'll call you back soon. Don't forget to go to IKKS in the next couple of weeks, their winter line just came out!_ "

After they said their goodbyes, Feliks tucked their phone back into their pocket and went to search for Toris. Their Dom was probably in the baking aisles looking for ingredients to make _šimtalapis_ because he knew Feliks loved it as a comfort food.

Every person they passed they tried to avoid meeting their eye, just in case they saw confusion and disgust like they expected. Being 165 cm had its advantages, as they were short enough to seem typically feminine, but--

They caught sight of Toris loading poppy seeds into the trolley and skipped over. "What are those for?" they asked cheekily.

Toris grabbed them around the waist and pulled them close to kiss their cheek. "You know, Feliks. What did Feliciano want?"

Feliks smiled lightly. "I'll, like, tell you at home, yeah? I think I do want to check out the winter line." Toris hummed questioningly, adding vanilla into the trolley as well. "I heard they're doing, like, _totally_ revolutionary things with black and burgundy!"

"Very interesting," Toris said, not sounding sarcastic or bored at all. "Wasn't it black and khaki last year or was that a few years back?" Feliks' smile got brighter and they didn't feel so weighed down by their anxieties; Toris was truly a lifesaver and Feliks was so lucky to have him.

"I love you," they said instead of answering.

Toris looked momentarily surprised, and then smiled back. "And I love you too."

Feliks just stood staring at him for a moment before they leaned up and stole another kiss. "Okay, so like, IKKS now? And then we can go to like a café and it'll be totally cute and romantic!"

"Anything you want," Toris replied, taking Feliks by the hand and making them flush a deep red. "We can even get someone to take some pictures of us like that blog you like."

Feliks absolutely squealed in delight, bouncing in place. Toris was _definitely_ more than they deserved but they wouldn't be giving him up any time soon.


	32. Beginning II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the looong wait, I'm struggling with personal stuff and academic stuff right now. This will be finished eventually, I just can't say when.
> 
> I didn't follow the prompt for this chapter and it's really short, so apologies. It leads into some more plot things though.

Three weeks passed without much fanfare, transitioning into freezing late November. Gilbert did have to call his brother and explain why his ticket to Germany was going unused, but, in that fashion, every interaction was one-on-one. As tempted as Antonio and Francis were to gang up on him and demand he never run again, they both knew well enough not to spook a wounded sub, and especially not while his Dom was hovering around him like a storm cloud.

Gilbert actually initiated apologies the day after Lovino found him in the airport (they slept in Gilbert's room in his and Antonio's apartment, Francis and Feliciano reluctantly returning home. Gilbert woke up with a terrible, splitting headache and a stomach-churning hangover so he and Lovino stayed in bed until basically the next morning).

First he sat Antonio down and, as gently as possible, explained his logic behind leaving.

"You're so confident," he murmured into a seemingly bottomless cup of coffee, from the way Antonio kept standing up and refilling it whenever it got low. "You know that you're being good, or when your sub is being good. I can't remember a time where I ever did the right thing."

Antonio frowned but stayed silent. The front door opened, having been left unlocked for the parade of Doms Gilbert seemed to be hosting at any given time. Lovino walked in, touched Gilbert lightly on the back of the head, and continued further into the apartment. The familiarity of everything made Gilbert want to cry and laugh at the same time.

Francis was the second person to get a talk, and it went much the same as Antonio's. Feliciano waved away Gilbert's apologies and instead rattled off a bunch of stories about Feliks, the sub Lovino told him about.

Lovino was the one apologizing to _him_. If Lovino was sleeping at his home or otherwise couldn’t see Gilbert first thing in the morning, he called him and said something so sweet and sappy Gilbert often had to hang up the phone in a panic, face red even in the privacy of his own room.

The only person who hadn't yet received an apology face-to-face was his brother. Gilbert sighed and rubbed at the side of his nose with his free hand, the other firmly grasped in Lovino's. They were sitting in the airport again, but for a very different reason. Lovino's psyche apparently couldn't distinguish the events, however, because he was tense and anxious even while trying to pretend he was calmly scrolling through his phone.

Gilbert leaned closer. "Hey," he said, making Lovino look up. "'M not leaving."

"I know," Lovino was quick to say, defensive and frowning, but he squeezed Gilbert's hand appreciatively. 

When Ludwig's flight got called, Gilbert kissed Lovino quickly on the cheek. He stood and stretched without releasing Lovino's hand. "Come on, we can wait at the gate."

"Must we?" Lovino grumbled. After a few seconds, he stood up as well, giving himself a surreptitious shake. "Fine."

There weren't many people waiting for those getting off of the plane. They stood in a crowd of about thirty, and Gilbert lamented his lack of foresight in not making a garish sign with Ludwig's name on it. "West would have hated it," he assured Lovino, which of course got his full support.

When his brother's blond head came into view, Gilbert grinned and waved.

"Gilbert," Ludwig greeted with a small smile. When he caught sight of Lovino, standing slightly ahead of Gilbert in an obviously protective stance, he frowned in an exact replica of Gilbert's expression when he was uncomfortable. "And… Vargas."

Lovino sneered right back. "Yes, _Beilschmidt_. Surprised your brother's Dom let him out of the house, or…?"

Instead of trying to break up their argument in the middle of the airport, Gilbert tugged gently on Lovino's hand. "Come on, let's go back." He met Ludwig's sky blue eyes evenly. "We have a lot to talk about."


	33. Attraction II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 28: If your character’s life was a genre, what would it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kind words and the patience. This chapter definitely meets teen rating (might even be mature) but there is only really mentions of sexual stuff. It starts after the page break if you want to avoid it, but I promise it isn't anything big.
> 
> Thank you so much again.

Lovino ended up taking them back to his apartment. Gilbert could only assume it was a power-trip thing--Lovino's apartment was much larger than his and Antonio's, and had much nicer furniture. It made Gilbert a little uncomfortable, what with his memories of breaking down at the Italian's place, but Lovino held his hand all the way through the front door.

"Please have a seat," Lovino said to Ludwig with a poorly concealed sneer, taking Gilbert's coat gently from his hands and all but snatching Ludwig's away. "You want anything, Gil?" he asked his sub. Gilbert felt very warm with the way Lovino was gazing at him, like they were the only two people in the room. He shook his head.

Realizing that Lovino wasn't going to ask, Gilbert peered around his boyfriend to look at his brother. "Do you want anything, West?" he asked softly.

Ludwig seemed to start at being addressed directly. "No, Gilbert, I'm fine." Lovino nodded smartly, his gold eyes still locked to Gilbert's, and then left the room at a brisk pace. Gilbert stared after him for a moment before turning back to his brother.

Even his brother's hardest glare could never get him to flinch, he mused, affecting a lazy smile. Another Dom who looked at him in anger, sure, but he had practically raised his little brother and couldn't remember a time when he was even wary of him.

"It's not about _you_ ," he began to say, and then paused. "Well, it is about you." He rubbed the side of his nose, dipping his head to hide his flushed cheeks at the thought of Lovino's protectiveness. "He thinks you're just as controlling as you think he is."

Ludwig's eyes flashed at that and Gilbert shifted. "He doesn't know anything about _controlling_ ," said Ludwig. "Have you told him about--"

Lovino walked back into the room with a glass full of water that he passed over to his boyfriend. "Drink all of it," he ordered. Lovino dropped down next to him lightly enough not to jostle him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tilting his head slightly and pressing a kiss to Gilbert's forehead.

All of their noise must have woken Feliciano. The hall light clicked on, and he shuffled out, rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?" he mumbled, his accent so thick with sleep that Gilbert almost didn't understand what he said.

"Not time to wake up, idiot. Go back to your room." Lovino directed a shooing motion at his younger brother with his free hand. Feliciano stared at him for a moment. "Feli?"

Feliciano's wide, bleary with sleep but still guileless eyes turned suddenly to Gilbert. "Why is he here?" he asked in a loud whisper, and Gilbert was almost offended before he saw Feliciano tilt his head subtly toward his brother. "He's not--?"

Gilbert handed the water back to Lovino, ignoring the glare he knew he was getting in return (that he wasn't scared to go back to their bantering, bickering ways brightened Gilbert's hope in their relationship significantly). "I'm staying, Feli," he assured, standing up and walking over to the slightly shorter man. "Go back to bed."

The Italian listed to the right, only straightening when Gilbert grabbed his shoulders and turned him back toward his bedroom. He marched Feliciano all the way to his huge bed, pushed him into it, and tucked him in as tightly as he could. The mound of blankets Lovino liked to sleep under was apparently a genetic trait shared between the brothers.

"Stay asleep," he murmured with a false frown. Feliciano giggled and turned over under what must have been ten pounds of cotton, closing his eyes almost immediately. Gilbert made sure his door was all the way shut before turning off the hall light and making his way back down the hall to the living room.

Gilbert waited just in the mouth of the hall for a moment. He didn't want to eavesdrop, per se, but he did want to see how the two people he loved most were interacting without him there to mediate.

The answer was, badly.

Lovino was already standing, broken from his calm composure to lean over the coffee table and hiss something no doubt inflammatory toward Ludwig. Gilbert's brother didn't look much better. His hands were fisted in his lap and he was gritting his teeth, which might as well have been screaming and raving in Ludwig terms.

"I love him," Lovino was saying, lip curled in contempt. Gilbert's heart must have skipped three beats from the way he felt a little faint at the pronouncement. "I love him more than I've ever loved a sub, a _boyfriend_ , before. And I'm not going to let you lie to him, to make him feel like I don't want what's best for him."

Ludwig shook his head slowly, condescendingly. Even Lovino's sinfully comfortable sofa wasn't relaxing his ramrod posture. "You would let him come home if you really loved him. He's not happy here, he never has been."

His Italian stood up straighter, eyes wide and chin tilted upward as if he'd been slapped. The long but soft lines of his body, perfectly outlined by his designer jeans and crisp button up shirt, seemed suddenly razor sharp. "…" He opened his mouth, but when nothing came out, he closed it again. His hands came up to his hair and he ran his fingers through it, mussing it from its perfect style, and that was the greatest gesture of defeat Gilbert had ever seen from him.

"I know," he said in a shaky voice, covering his mouth with one hand while the other stayed clenched in his hair. "You don't think I _fucking_ know that?" His voice got louder and louder, until he was practically shouting into the room. "You don't think I've seen him fucking cry because of missing you, or his friends in Germany?"

Now Gilbert reeled a little. He didn't think Lovino knew about that because it happened so rarely. Maybe during one of his low days that had happened, and he just didn't remember…?

Lovino exhaled heavily, and his sharp lines softened again. "Fuck you," he sighed.

Just as Gilbert was about to step back into the living room, hopefully stopping their argument before it came to blows, Ludwig began to speak again.

"Let him come home," he said in his most no-nonsense voice.

"I can't," Lovino replied with a humorless laugh. "I love him too fucking much." After a moment, he continued, "No."

Gilbert walked in then, eyes stinging. "Stop," he commanded, getting the attention of both Doms, who surprisingly followed his order. "Ludwig, I'm not going back with you. I asked you to come here so I could apologize and--and explain why I'm staying. I didn't want you to argue with my boyfriend for the rest of the night while he…." He shook his head once, thoughts jumbled by conflicting thoughts overlaid with exhaustion.

"Water," Lovino reminded him, handing the glass again as though none of what Gilbert saw had happened. Gilbert took the glass, and then set it back down on the coffee table, taking Lovino's hands in his and kissing his half-open mouth before he could complain. 

Because he wasn't eager to give his own brother a show, their tongues only touched once, gently, before Gilbert kissed Lovino more chastely. He pulled back after barely a few seconds. "I love you," he said with all of his remaining energy, and kissed Lovino again before he could reply.

Then he turned his head, still holding the hands of a dazed Lovino. " _Westlein_ , I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to call you a cab to your hotel. Neither one of you is in the right frame of mind for a real fucking conversation."

Ludwig stared at him for a few more moments, seemingly considering, before he nodded and stood.

"Lovi?" he murmured into his boyfriend's messy hair. Lovino didn't answer except to tilt his head slightly, kiss the tip of Gilbert's nose, and hand him his phone. Then he let go of Gilbert's other hand and left the room.

Only when he heard Lovino's door close did he turn fully toward his brother. "Please don't fight with him," he said in more of a statement than a question. "Neither of you can make me do anything I don't want to."

His brother exhaled sharply. "We will talk about this later, Gilbert," was all he said. Gilbert called him a taxi and they waited in silence at the curb outside the apartment until it showed up.

Gilbert hugged his brother tightly before he left. "I love you, too. Not just him."

Ludwig nodded without replying but hugged back, waiting until Gilbert pulled away to straighten his jacket, fix Gilbert with one more meaningful look, and climb into the taxi. It pulled away soon after, leaving Gilbert standing in the cold, staring into the empty street.

* * *

When he returned to the apartment, he locked the door behind him and turned out the living room and kitchen lights. He took the water to Lovino's bedroom and knocked while taking a sip.

The door opened in less than a second. "You don't have to knock," Lovino muttered, his voice rough like he'd been crying. Gilbert reached forward, seeing Lovino's face only in the dim light that filtered through the sheer curtains over the window. Lovino grabbed his hand and pulled him into the room.

"I don't have pajamas," started Gilbert, but Lovino was kissing him again, pressing him against the closed bedroom door and holding his hips in gentle hands. They stood together for a few minutes, Lovino pressing insistent kisses to Gilbert's mouth, the latter getting hotter and hotter by the second. It wasn't as if he had never gotten aroused making out with Lovino, but they had never done this in a dark bedroom. It was usually either in the middle of the day, or on the couch, or both.

Lovino pulled back and began to fumble with Gilbert's t-shirt, pulling it over his head and leaning forward to re-devour his sub's mouth. "Get on the bed," he muttered, bucking his hips into Gilbert's. The line of Lovino's erection pressing into his thigh sent his face blazing red and he pulled back, shaking his head.

His Italian paused, one hand resting on Gilbert's waist and the other against the door, penning him in without being forceful. "What's wrong?" he asked, gently rubbing his thumb up and down the skin of Gilbert's side.

"Not now." Gilbert leaned his head back against the door with a soft _thunk_. "Not because you're angry. Please."

Instead of arguing (and did Gilbert really think Lovino would force something like this on him?) Lovino just took a step back. "Of course." It was a little harder to tell against his olive skin in the darkness, but Gilbert could see the faintest red across his nose. "You can take whatever the fuck you want out of my drawers. Give me a, um, a minute in the bathroom?"

After a moment of thought, Gilbert smiled, slowly and curiously. "A kiss before you go?" he offered, half joking. Lovino rolled his eyes and kissed the corner of his mouth.

"I'll be right back."

Lovino left the room. Gilbert picked up his shirt and folded it absently, taking his jeans off and folding them as well. Once he was in his boxers he slid into the bed and under the sheets and blankets.

This was… nice. He was still a little bit… _bothered_ , but obviously not to the extent Lovino was. He knew it was just a product of anger and defiance. Not that it wasn't also love and affection and honest arousal, but Gilbert didn't feel like going against his brother's wishes was a good reason for he and Lovino to start their sexual relationship.

He was almost all the way asleep, surrounded by Lovino's slightly spicy and musky scent, before Lovino opened the door again. Gilbert opened his eyes slightly and turned to him. "Hi," he mumbled.

"Hi, baby," Lovino replied. He climbed into bed behind Gilbert, seeming surprised at his state of undress.

"Sorry." Gilbert made to get up but Lovino moved up further behind him until they were pressed back to chest. Lovino laid a gentle hand on his outer thigh, stroking him comfortingly rather than in a way meant to make him hot again. "I love you," Gilbert said, just because he could.

Lovino pressed his face into the back of Gilbert's neck. The German could feel his sappy smile against his skin. "Love you," Lovino mouthed almost without any sound. "My sweet boy…."

In the dark, where he couldn't see Lovino's face but could feel him on every inch of his skin, Gilbert smiled so wide he thought his face would crack.


	34. Food II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 29: How does your character smell? Do they wear perfume or cologne?

Lovino watched Ludwig and Gilbert with an obviously disdainful expression, leaning up against the counter in the café. Francis was moving between the back room and the display cases, putting the freshly baked cakes and cookies in very specific orders, obviously listening in to their conversation just as much as Lovino was.

They walked to the café together early that morning despite Gilbert having a day off. He wanted to talk to his brother in a place where he had support. "Nothing in our dynamic is really 'neutral'," Gilbert explained against Lovino's lips even earlier, in bed during the sunrise, and his Dom agreed. Francis and Lovino wouldn't hesitate to close in if and when Gilbert called them but not before.

At one point during his and his brother's conversation Gilbert's usually open and expressive face closed down and Lovino almost marched over to his table, promise or no promise to keep to himself. Francis held him by the elbow until Gilbert started to grin and laugh again and Lovino calmed down.

"I don't like it," Lovino mumbled unnecessarily, flicking a lock of hair out of his eyes.

"I know," Francis replied, also unnecessarily, as he folded a box closed. "Just let them talk. Gilbert already said--"

Lovino waved his hand rudely. "He's staying, I got it." He knew his expression wasn't as cold as his tone, though, because Francis just sighed and watched him pityingly. Gilbert looked over at that moment and winked at him, making Lovino's face heat, but he didn't look away.

The bell above the door jingled and Lovino's eyes flickered to the entrance instinctively. A short blond man with amazingly bushy eyebrows walked in, bringing a gust of cold air in with him, and made a beeline for Francis.

"Listen up, frog!" he shouted, making both Gilbert and Ludwig, and everyone else in the café, turn their heads. He was English, is all Lovino could tell, and very angry.

Francis swallowed hard and came around the counter, a placating smile already on his face. "Ah, Arthur darling, let's--"

"Don't 'darling' me you shithead!"

Lovino decided to leave them to it, turning back to Gilbert and his brother. He jumped about a foot in the air when he found Gilbert standing just inches from his face, his eyes narrowed in amusement at Lovino's expense. "Christ!" Lovino said in his own half-shout, but he held Gilbert's hand in his when it was offered and let himself be pulled over to his table.

The Italian got a whiff of his own cologne on Gilbert and smirked to himself.

"Come sit with me and West before Francis drags you into his argument," Gilbert murmured to him, pulling him into the booth next to him. Ludwig frowned but didn't protest.

Lovino, deciding to needle him, took Gilbert's chin in hand and kissed him full on the mouth. Gilbert melted against him for a moment before pulling back and blushing a sweet pink.

"W-what was that for?" he asked, eyes flickering to his brother and back.

"I just wanted to." Lovino pushed his instinctive embarrassment away. "Can a man not adore his sub?"

Gilbert turned redder and redder. "Ah… of course he can, Lovi."

"Well." Lovino smirked, then deigned to face Ludwig. "Sleep well in your hotel room?" he asked lightly. He stole Gilbert's coffee and sipped at it. "I had a good night. A _really_ good one."

Ludwig looked incensed and Gilbert buried his face in his hands. "Not like that, West," he muttered.

Lovino shrugged, wrapping his free arm around Gilbert's waist and pulling him closer. "So what are we talking about?"

* * *

"Arthur and Francis are probably fucking over the counter right now," Gilbert laughed; Lovino couldn't hold in his own amusement at the disgusted expression on Antonio's face. "He came in kicking and screaming!"

Antonio shook his head slowly. "I can imagine but I don't want to."

The four of them were seated around Antonio's kitchen table, sharing food that Lovino made to burn off some of his anger at Ludwig. Antonio and Feliciano stayed well out of his way while Lovino cooked. Gilbert, always one to take risks, practically locked his arms around Lovino's waist and pressed his face against his back. Lovino didn't think to push him off.

Gilbert poured Lovino another glass of wine and offered Feliciano, who refused with a wave. "Were you okay? With the yelling?" he asked instead. The concern was evident in his tone and the worried frown on his lips.

Lovino blinked and turned toward Gilbert. He hadn't thought to ask; Gilbert seemed so excitable after the experience that Lovino assumed he was fine. He felt a sharp lance of anger at himself, taking Gilbert's hand where it rested on the table. Gilbert glanced back at him and interlaced their fingers.

"Um…," Gilbert began, rubbing his thumb across the back of Lovino's hand. "No, I was fine. It's not like those two don't have shouting matches around me all the time!"

Antonio nodded, mouth full of pasta. "I'm more of a loud-noises sub than Gilbert is, I think." He smiled around his next bite. "Remember that one time I dropped because you shattered that glass in the kitchen?"

Gilbert sighed heavily. "Don't fucking remind me. I still feel bad about that."

"I was fine, I had a Domme at the time." Antonio's smile softened at the edges. "We're still friends; she has a new sub now."

"I think I was with…." Gilbert trailed off, touching the scar on his forehead that never faded. Lovino's grip tightened on his hand. "He never _yelled_. He just beat the shit out of me, haha."

Feliciano made a soothing sound and pulled Gilbert's hand away from his scar. "Don't think about him," he pleaded, spooning more pasta onto Gilbert's plate. "You've got Lovino now."

The German turned back to him from watching Feliciano fondly. "I do," Gilbert murmured. Lovino dropped his fork and used both hands to hold Gilbert's head still and kissed him hard.


	35. End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 30: Write your character a letter from yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *spongebob timecard voice* two years later
> 
> to be honest, the work has been finished, just not marked complete. but here is a little epilogue of sorts.

Gilbert had barely stepped out of Lovino's car and onto his friends' stone walkway when he got an armful of petite blonde. "Oh wow, I've been, like, so totally excited to meet you!" they squealed against his shoulder, practically bouncing in place. 

"Feliks, right?" was all Gilbert could ask as he squeezed the blonde back. They smelled very strongly of strawberries and it made Gilbert remember being a teenage sub with his first exposure to body spray. "You really wanted to meet me?"

Feliks leaned away slightly, a mischievous glint in their emerald eyes. "Feli told me Lovino was keeping the sweetest sub all to himself in America. I totally _had_ to see him for myself." Gilbert could feel his face heating and tried to hide his shy smile.

"Embarrassing my sub is _my_ job, Feliks," Lovino said from behind them, voice sharp but teasing.

Feliks pulled away from Gilbert to instead stick their tongue out at Lovino. "Whatever, spoilsport!" they scoffed. Now that Feliks wasn't right under his nose, Gilbert could get a full view of their yellow sweater-dress and white, lacy tights, complete with little brown ankle boots.

Gilbert had never been very feminine, or _wanted_ to appear feminine, but next to Feliks he felt sloppy and unattractive. "Feliciano talked about how pretty you were on the way here," he said, shyly scratching at the back of his head. "Um, I think you're beautiful, Feliks."

"Aw!" Feliks clasped their hands together and looked at Gilbert like he was a small, bumbling animal. "Thank you so much, Gilbert. Come on in, Feliciano and Toris have already started on dinner." Lovino stepped up beside Gilbert and put an arm around his waist, leading him up the gray stones flanked by white rosebushes.

* * *

Feliks kneeled on a large cushion at the foot of an armchair that Gilbert assumed Toris usually sat in. They looked so at peace, a glass of white wine in one hand, watching Gilbert with soft eyes. "Do you mind kneeling with me? I wanted to talk to you."

Gilbert knew what they wanted to talk about. Still, he kneeled on a second, thickly cushioned pillow and tried not to feel like he was being chastised. "Look," he said just as quietly as the dimly lit room demanded, staring at Feliks' drink instead of directly toward them. "Lovino… told me what happened. To you. And I'm so, so fucking sorry, but I'm really not--" Gilbert covered his eyes with both hands. "I'm happy now. I wasn't considering _doing_ anything."

When he looked up again, Feliks was still smiling knowingly. "It's alright, I'm not here to, like, upset you. While you're visiting I want us on good terms, y'know?" Gilbert opened his mouth to apologize again but Feliks waved their free hand. "Just one suggestion from me and I'll, like, leave it alone."

Gilbert shifted until he was in a more comfortable position--he wasn't used to kneeling for longer than a few minutes--and nodded. "Sure," he murmured.

"After m-my ex, I totally broke down." Feliks downed the rest of their wine and set the glass at their side. "And I kinda… felt disconnected from myself, y'know? So my therapist had me write letters to myself, explaining what happened. It really, honestly helped. I think you should try."

"I already… keep a blog," Gilbert said, but Feliks interrupted him.

"I know," they said with a sly grin. "Feliciano always sends me pictures off of it, of you and Lovino. They're cute! But," they continued seriously, holding up a finger, "You're writing posts to the outside world. The letters need to be, like, personal and private and all that jazz."

Gilbert thought he understood, then. Maybe he had been seeing a lot of things from outside himself without really understanding his own feelings. Maybe he didn't _want_ to understand his own feelings. Maybe that ex of his had actually fucked up his sense of self-worth, like West and Lovino were always saying.

"There you are." Lovino stood at the doorway to the living room, hands in his pockets, back straight. He looked like a true Dom with the brightness of the dining room behind him, golden eyes made dark by the angle of the light and his feet planted slightly apart. "Am I interrupting?"

Feliks rose from kneeling in a fluid motion and picked up their glass. "Nope! Thanks for chatting with me, Gil. Me and Toris are gonna head to bed, but we'll totally see you in the morning." They left the room before Gilbert had a chance to say goodnight.

Lovino tilted his head at Gilbert's silence. "Alright, _ragazzo dolce_?" he asked, walking up to Gilbert and brushing a hand through his hair.

"Yes. Yeah, we had a… a talk." Gilbert leaned into Lovino's comforting hand and got a low chuckle in response. "Thanks for the vacation, by the way."

"You deserve it," Lovino said, voice low and warm. "Come to bed. I'll show you what else you earned."

Gilbert stood much less gracefully than Feliks had but Lovino didn’t really seem to mind.


End file.
